No judgments, just an honest question: can happiness outrun karma?

His wife left with their two boys, the youngest being only 3 months old. She made him choose and he chose. Happiness won. It won over family.

Now he walks the beach with the woman he's been passionately in love with for the past 6 months. And you can tell from the smile on his face that he lives with his choice with no regret, no guilt, no remorse.

Sabi ni deesj...

... that she was looking at our pictures from new years and it hit her that I dont live in Manila anymore and that it's so weird because people are already getting used to not having me around.

I've been suspecting as much. I've been expecting it really. And although i never really thought that life would actually stand still while waiting for my return, hearing it breaks my heart a little. okay a lot.

oh well.

Life with adi....

... is just better in ways i will not even try to attempt to explain. But you can ask anyone who knows him and they will understand exactly what i mean.

Everything just looks better, and feels better, and tastes better, and smells better, and sounds better.

And when he's gone, the world is just... duller.

world - adi = dull

ets world = dull

We meet, we part, sometimes we remember remember remember...

-- the holmes brothers

Exactly at a time when we think we've forgotten already too. It's amazing how our subconscious makes us remember - waking us up at four in the morning fighting back tears, struggling for air.

So now that we're standing exactly where we are, do we keep the promise we made long ago or do we just fuck it all to hell?

Today is a good day

April 1, 2007

Today, I got two wonderful things;

1. Friends - thanks to erm and papi who were fabulous company

2. Cable

What more can a girl want?

Like the deserts miss the rain

There are so many things you take for granted when you know its readily available anytime you need or want them.

Like...

movie theaters
krispy kreme
cibo
cars
airconditioning
malls
fastfood
pets
friends
chums
family

Not too shabby for ettie. Not too shabby at all.

Yesterday

I woke up feeling wonderful, despite the 9pm-4am brownout that kept me company during the night. My arms, my stomach and my shoulders were still sore from the free yoga session I took the night before (my comeback session after 4 months of being inactive,) but my spirits were soaring. I decided to take advantage of my morning since I did not have work until after lunch. So I took a walk. I took a VERY long walk. From one end of the beach to the other and back again. I was quite burnt after and VERY dehydrated since I forgot to bring water. But it was fantastic.

I ended the day with an all natural facial from the best spa in the Island for free because its my job to know all their treatments.

Today

I spent the morning basking in the sun and taking a dip in the beach after. My first dip since I got here.

I ended it with a body scrub and a massage from the best spa in the Island for free because its my job to know all their treatments.


Recap

I get free yoga sessions.
I spend my mornings in the beach.
I end my days with facials and massages from the best spa in the Island for free because its my job to know all their treatments.

I could get used to this.

My goal here

I have to be honest, it's been really rough. I've always been surrounded by people all my life (being popular and all) and then suddenly, I find myself alone. Eating out alone, having coffee alone, walking around alone. But I am getting used to it. Now, I only fight back tears half the time I used to.

Anyway, there are two things I've come to accept since I got here.

1. There can only be one group that I can call CHUMS. I've always known this but it has never hit home until now. I never came here with the intention of replacing them. I knew that would be impossible. But I thought that I could build friendships that would at least have half the fun. Now, I am just willing to settle for company sometimes.

2. I am slowly beginning to be okay with that. I always thought that this experience would be more of a journey to self-discovery more than it would be a party. So my goal now is not to stop eating out alone or having coffe alone and walking around alone. What I want now is to be able to do all of these things and be able to do them happily.

There is a hawaiian or polynesian saying that goes "YOU ARE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR." So in the next __ months, I will get to know myself, appreciate myself, and celebrate myself.

I say "I LOVE MYSELF" all the time. Now, I actually have to mean it.

*****

I just want to say that I LOVE MY CHUMS!!! and i miss all of you very much. Please visit me na.

The Gratitude Attitude

I spent my 32nd birthday alone. I've never done that before. But, because of the following people, I didn't feel alone at all;

Thank you to the following (in chronological order)

My family (mom, papa, guada, pats, bob and michael) for being the first people, as usual, to greet me.

Jenni and claude, who greeted me even before the 8th. Although claude actually thought my birthday was the 7th. hee.

Riya who was the first to text me at 12 midnight.

Gwen who was a very close second.

Drach who was the first to call and sing me the birthday song.

Gigi who called only in the morning only because her she slept through her alarm.

An unidentified number who said "happy birthday beautiful"

Tim who texted first to greet me happy womens day and then happy birthday after i hinted ever so subtly "happy birthday maite is an appropriate greeting for me too today you know."

Therese who, I'm assuming, is responsible for telling the folks at CISV to greet me. And the folks at CISV who greeted me sunod sunod kaya obvious.

Vince for remembering to greet me on time even when i greeted him a day after his.

Dodo for blogging about me before he even found out about my birthday.

Tracy, Adi and Mamu who had to be reminded (by me) to greet me.

Joel who, despite the reminder, didnt.

Deesj for talking to me during dinner through text.

Ruth for talking to me during coffee through text.

Niv who called to tell me that it was Robert Jaworski's and Carlito Lim's birthday. Hahahahahah. I swear we do this every year.

Monster who greeted me belatedly (im pretty sure i invented this word) today.

And everybody else who did, you know who you are (yuck, showbiz), thanks thanks thanks.

It really brought home closer to this island.

Boracay

After all the planning, all the praying, all the fighting with mom, I am finally here.

Except I'm really not here.

I haven't been out on the beach for a swim.
I haven't had a coffee shake at jonas.
No sunsets at Fridays.
No pesto omelette at real coffee.
No friends.
No chums.
No pats and guada.

Just the island - stripped off most of the things i love her for.

Let's just see where this goes.

No promises. No commitments.

Pulling a Houdini

It's an escape too.

In fact, maybe more than it is anything else, it's an escape --- from places, from people, from memories, from situations I want to get out of.

Because I want a fresh start. Because I need to feel better about myself. Because I deserve so much more than this.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

When tony bennett and sting get together to sing one of the saddest songs i've ever heard, even one that has funny words like boulevard and gigolette, you just really want to cry.

sometimes, life is just sad.


I walk along the street of sorrow -
The boulevard of broken dreams -
Where Gigolo and Gigolette -
Can take a kiss without regret -
and so forget their broken dreams.

You laugh today and cry tomorrow -
When you behold your shattered schemes -
And Gigolo and Gigolette wake up to find
their eyes are wet with tears that tell of
broken dreams

Here is where you'll always find me -
Always walking up and down -
But I left my soul behind me
in an old cathedral town

The joy that you find here, you borrow -
You cannot keep it long it seems -
But Gigolo and Gigolette -
Still sing a song and dance along -
The boulevard of broken dreams.

C.I.D.

Two days after it officially took effect, I finally turned in my resignation letter two hours ago.

Dear Sir,

This is to tender my resignation effective February 28, 2007.

I have been with CID for over 6 years now and I can sincerely say that this company has been more than just a place of business for me. In my favorite movie ‘The Godfather’, a line was drawn between what is business and what is personal and how the two can never, or perhaps should never, be confused with the other. Fortunately for me, I found a company that welcomes this confusion. In fact, it thrives on it.

Honestly, this resignation is especially difficult because I feel like I’m saying goodbye to a home that has nurtured me, to a family that has inspired me, and to two fathers who have never failed to guide me. But I do know that, precisely because we are how we are, I can never really ever resign from CID.

So while it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye, I leave with wonderful memories that I hope will keep me sane as I walk towards the unfamiliar where I am expecting to find myself lost every so often. But because of my skills, my talents and my determination – all of which have been honed through many nerve wracking, nail biting, deadline beating, hair pulling projects in CID that resulted in sleepless nights, migraine and anxiety attacks, eyebags, wrinkles, and, occasionally, self doubt – I am confident that I will always find my way again.

And for this, I am and will always be grateful to CID.

With much love,
Maite Alvarez


PS, please don’t deduct na my suspension from my final pay. I will be sooooo poor in boracay.

Thanks.

Elliot

These past couple of days, I've been discovering a lot of wonderful things on the web. I've been watching this hilarious brit sitcom called 'the IT crowd.' I found and shared here the most brilliant animation film that made me both laugh and cry all in 3 minutes. and I finally found elliot.

He has an album na. Thank God his talent is not going to waste. And, I'm not an expert on music, but his single is pretty good. I wanted to imbed it here but it wont. So here's a picture nalang. Handsome na rin.

what are you willing to give for that one dream?

this one is my hero.

And this is the best - THE BEST - animation shortie i've ever seen ever!!!

Why I need more Vinces and Dodos in my life

Because there is a blatant lack of decent men in this world.

i love ya boys THIS BIG!!!!

I believe it was the Prophet Ross who said it best when she said.....

I can't cover up my feelings

In the name of love

Or play it safe for a while

That was easy

And if living for myself

Is what I'm guilty of

Go on and sentence me

I'll still be free

It's my turn

To see what I can see

I hope you'll understand

This time's just for me

Because it's my turn

With no apologies

I've given up the truth

To those I've tried to please

But now it's my turn

If I don't have all the answers

At least I know

I'll take my share of chances

Ain't no use of holding on

When nothing stays the same

so I'll let it rain

'Cause the rain ain't gonna hurt me

And I'll let you go

'Though I know it won't be easy

It's my turn

With no more room for lies

For years I've seen my life

Through someone else's eyes

And now it's my turn

To try and find my way

And if I should get lostAt least

I'll own todayIt's my turn

Yes, it's my turn

And there ain't no use in holding on

When nothing stays the same

So I'll let it rain

'Cause the rain ain't gonna hurt me

And I'll let you go

'Though I know it won't be easy

It's my turn

To see what I can see

I hope you'll understand

This time's just for me

Because it's my turn

To turn and say goodbye

I sure would like to know

That you're still on my side

Because it's my turnIt's my turn

It's my turnTo start from number one

Trying to undo

Some damage that's been done

But now it's my turn

To reach and touch the sky

No one's gonna say

At least I didn't try

It's my turn

Yes, it's my turn

It's my turn

It's my turn

Hail to the great Diana!

Props na rin to her best disciple, the esteemed Coney Reyes Mumar.

Hello heartbreak, my old friend

No matter how broken you think you already are, you can still break.

And no matter how long you've been expecting it, even if you've even had time to have a 'Welcome Pain' banner printed, you will still be in catonic shock when it comes.

And all you can really hope for is that you finally learn from this. Because God knows you seem to have forgotten everything life has taught you before.

Next time, please know better.

Why are you so enamored with impossible relationships? Why does it appeal to you so much? What's wrong with getting into relationships that have, at least, a 50/50 chance of surviving? Is that not challenging enough for you? Must it always be this complicated? Should it always be this hard?

Eh, eto na nga....

O ayan, papano ka na naman ngayon?

thanks (or maybe not) to chockwit for this picture. Hay....

riding the meme bandwagon

Stolen from Dodo's. A meme I can't resist.

What is your favorite word? Fuck

What is your least favorite word? Cherries

What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]? Laughter

What turns you off? Stupidity

What sound do you love? Something sizzling

What sound do you hate? dogs barking

What is your favorite curse word? Fuck!

What profession, other than yours, would you like to attempt? Kusinera

What profession would you not like to participate in? Engineering

If Heaven exists, what would you like God to say, when you arrive at the pearly gates? "In fairness ha, okay na rin ang life mo."

And another one, this one is looooooong overdue. I was tagged months back by Irene but I haven't had the time.

1. The last movie you saw in a theatre, and current-release movie you still want to see.

Apocalypto - I did not like this one at all. at all.

I want to see Music and Lyrics. Its Hugh and Drew. Two of my favorite people in the world.

2. The last movie you rented/purchased for home viewing.

Borrowed Trainspotting. Will see it sometime soon.

3. A movie that made you laugh out loud.

American Haunting. Okay, the movie wasnt funny but the english subtitles that came with the pirated DVD was plenty funny. I think I peed my pants.

4. A movie that made you cry.

Steel Magnolias - Every single time.

5. A movie that was a darling of the critics, but you didn't think lived up to the hype.

Dreamgirls

6. A movie that you thought was better than the critics.

The Godfather 3 - because i will take a bullet for Andy Garcia

7. Favorite animated movie.

Beauty and the Beast

8. Favorite Disney Villain.

Gaston

9. Favorite movie musical.

Moulin Rouge and Beauty and the Beast

10. Favorite movies of all-time (up to 5).

The Godfather (I, II, III)

The Lord of the Rings trilogy

Love Actually

Little Miss Sunshine (new addition)

American Beauty

Sing with me now - HOW DO WE SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE THE MASA?

After the dreadful wowowee stampede tragedy, I wondered if that many people would have shown up at the Ultra and if they would have fought as hard to get in if it were jobs being given away instead of money.

I asked two friends who answered ‘OF COURSE’ with heartfelt conviction.

I wasn’t so confident. To be quite blunt about it, I was convinced they would have just stayed home and watched the other noontime show. I really hoped I was wrong though.

Over lunch today, my boss told us about a conversation he had with an ABS CBN employee. He said that a few months back, the network decided to have an alternative activity for the hundreds of hopefuls who had to be turned away everyday because of the studio’s limited space. So one day, they gathered the ‘excess’- a number that came close to a hundred – and invited them to lunch and a free seminar on livelihood programs that can help them make money.

All stayed for the free lunch.

Three stayed for the free seminar.

I was really hoping I was wrong.

How did we end up here? a world where Willie Revillame is messiah to thousands who flock to him begging for a buck. Under his inept choreography, they dance and they sing and they raise their arms in the air desperate to catch his merciful eye. The studio is transformed into a church and Wowowee becomes a religion.

And what is religion without prayer.

And what is prayer without drama.

And so we see grown men weep, able people plead – howling about the tuition they can’t pay, the medicines they can’t afford, and the jobs they can’t find. They tell us, with certainty, that this is their last hope. That, if this fails, they might as well just shrivel up and die.

WOWOWEE!!!

I never knew that one TV show could have so much power. That the lives of thousands of people literally depend on one show.

And so I wonder, how can we solve anything if we’re too busy singing boom tarat tarat? If we keep this up, this country will end up exactly like how the song ends.

BOOM.

BOOM.

BOOM.