Monday, February 27, 2012

white lace and promises

I am married.

The next time I have to fill out a form, there will be a check mark on the married box and the single box will remain empty. My mom will finally, after 36 years, be relieved as my in case of emergency person. My husband will be getting that call now. There will be no more 6-month searches for one’s self in an island somewhere. No more sudden resignations just because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed one morning. No more of those hasty decisions I am so used to making.

I am no longer just me anymore.

Legally, I am attached to this person. This person who is not my blood. This person who did not see me grow up. This person who just came to my life some years ago. Let me say that again because its big - I am legally bound to this person. Isn’t that terrifying? If I should ever choose to unbind myself from this person, there will be legal impediments. There will be court cases and petitions and consequences and maybe even custody battles. Of course the implications are not just legal. There will be judgment and whispers and assumptions that somehow, in some way, I have failed.

I should be terrified. I should be shaking in my flats. I should be holding on to my mommy’s hand for dear life.

I’m not.

In fact, I am unbelievably and ridiculously happy.

For the rest of my life, I am bound to this person. This person who makes me happy. This person who makes me laugh. This person who has seen me through so much shit and, despite that, remains determined to spend the rest of his life with me. Its only been two weeks and already I cannot imagine not waking up next to him.

And of course it won’t be a walk in the park. I am, after all, ME and he is, after all, NOT.

But what’s so nice about walking in the park anyway? If its such a big deal then why arn’t more people out in the park walking. In fact, people walking in the park these days are either emo, jobless or lurking for their next victim. Yeah, I don’t care for that. I want to be where happy people are, DISNEYLAND! Because right now I am on a ride with my seatbelts fastened, my arms up in the air, screaming at the top of my lungs “AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I am no longer just me anymore :)