Thursday, December 13, 2007

My feelings about feelings

I just recently realized that I’m not at all comfortable having feelings. I mean I love to talk and I’m vocal about my opinions and my theories and I have no problems sharing them with anybody but feelings are an entirely different thing. I hide it, deny it, bottle it or pretend they’re something other than what they are. I don’t like being afraid or vulnerable or ridiculously happy or hopeful. When I start feeling these things a part of my brain turns around and runs to the opposite direction.

I envy people who can easily talk about their feelings. They walk in a room, sit down and casually, and some inarticulately, deliver a monologue of feelings both so complex and silly it deserves a sit-down with Oprah. And I listen amused, entertained and, yes, envious.

I am not made like that.

Apparently, I can only talk about my feelings when I’ve already detached myself from them. And talking about feelings you’ve already detached yourself from is as insane as thinking about wearing a shirt you’ve already given away.

The other night I had devastating news. I couldn’t talk about it until I was sure I could without breaking down. I’m afraid that if I give in to the fear, the universe will really act on it. So I allow myself to shrug off the severity of what I feel because acknowledging it would just be risking too much.

And so, I therefore conclude that I don’t like having feelings.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Hi. Just wanted to say a few things about...

Mafia Politics

A certain political leader of a major city in Mindanao made public a list that contained several names of known criminals in his territory. He gave them 15 days to get out of his town or else... All of them left. One came back. He was shot dead the day he did.

This city is known to be the most progressive and peaceful in the area.

I don’t know what surprises me more – that he did what he did or that it works.

The future of my country

The only thing that’s worse than me saying that the future of this country looks dismal is me knowing that I’m an optimist. That that’s the glass half full perspective because some say this country has no future at all.

Lotto mentality

Winning the lotto should never be plan A.

And Wowowee sure as hell isn’t plan B.


I grew up to stories of real men and women who walked to school in worn-out slippers and tattered shirts to give themselves an education and who now run successful businesses and live in mansions.

Will our children have the same stories to tell their children?

We need more heroes.