Tuesday, March 29, 2005

me, myself and i

last night after cd's exhibit at saguijo (where the music was superb), the chums played one of its favorite games "sino sa chums ang....?"

i was declared the winner in two categories (it would have been unanimous too except i contested both)

I am, according to my chums (and some fucking chums these peeps are)


let's consult mr. webster shall we. (actually dictionary.com - anyhoo)

Excessive love or admiration of oneself. See Synonyms at conceit.
A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.

okay, so they do have a point here noh. let me, however, repeat what i said last night and please forgive the obvious cry for help.

The reason why i love myself so much is because nobody else does :( and besides, really lets be honest, what's not to love :)

Also, let me point out, that i have insecurities beyond measure which is probably why i overcompensate with narcissism. What is perceived as self-love maybe just a smokescreen to take away the focus from my desperation to hold on to the little self esteem that i have.


As an adjective, narcissistic is defined as characteristic of those having an inflated idea of their own importance

I actually do not.

Life goes on without me and it will go on happily. I have no delusions that i am indispensable or even remotely consequential.

And as much as it pains me to admit it, the truth is, although i am greatly loved, i am not needed. And that is my heart-wrenching truth.

Now, if the basis of being narcissistic is having an inflated idea of their own importance, then joel passes me by a mile.

Okay, annoying.

Yes, this is true. If i were not me watching me, i'd be annoyed by me too. I am loud and "malikot" and really too perky sometimes eh.

BUT , (of course there's always a but)

you have to admit, im quite adorable once you get to know me :)


some other categories last night;

Most matapobre - adi, as was blatantly obvious in his drunken state last saturday
Most likely to kill - deesj, rage is a dangerous thing
Most like to be rich (given a level playing field to start with) - joel and drach
Best singer - mamu or drach (i forget)
Best dancer - me
Best in english - mamu for me. although may humihirit na gigi. hindi ako nadadaan sa accent eh
Best in tagalog - si deesj daw
Lowest self esteem - tracy
Highest self esteem - Monster and then gigi (although sabi ni gigi umiiyak rin naman sya sa gabi)


CUT to CUT to yesterday

I was trying to fix my officemate, lance, up with arrian who is one of my funniest and sexiest friend.

so i showed lance her picture and he said "she's very pretty but she looks like my cousin"

to which i replied of course "so?"

and he said "so?, can you even imagine kissing your cousin?"

if these pores could talk ano..

anyway, i quoted joel who quoted drach from way back when


cut to cut to saguijo that night.

sinigaw lang sya ni diego onstage eh.

Friday, March 18, 2005

etti does bohol (and chicka lang)

Maganda naman siya - i mean, probably one of the most beautiful places i've seen - but since i haven't really been around very much - im not the best judge for tourist "must-sees."

Anyhoo, while the beach is, unquestionably beautiful and the water was at a very comforting temperature (albeit 42 million starfishes and sea urchins), there was really one question burning in my mind while i rocked my hammock overlooking the beach -


please tell me where is the life in the island of bohol. because i was really there for 2 days and i dunt see it. i really dunt.

people - none!
activities - none!
good times - none!

But you know what i love about bohol - tarsiers! my geads they are really the cutest. i think one hundred tarsiers turn over their grave everytime we compare them to milo because really a big insult for them.

here are some trivia i picked up about tarsiers from our tour guide;

1. tarsiers are highly suicidal (okay, baka dito pareho sila ni milo) - they are easily stressed especially when they are moved to a new environment. they also dont like being touched very much. And you know how they kill themselves - they bang their heads on the tree until they die. As our tour guide said "they are the original head bangers" HAR HAR HAR!!!

2. They have the softest bumbunan raw. like pillows. which is probably why they bang their heads on the wall when suicidal para fast death.

last night also, i was selected to be the special guest judge sa costume party. The theme of the party was "Pirates of the Carribean" so the guests really careered it ha. I mean they rented or patahid their costumes. Now, some of the guests are really not the brightest or the most attentive to detail because they really dont pay attention to the theme.

So maybe they just read 'carribean' and they come dressed as chiquita banana (colorful costumes and fruits on their head and all)

hay geads.... i really gave them a zero there.

anyway, pictures from bohol i had to take with my cellphone cos i forgot to bring a camera.
beach Posted by Hello
more beach Posted by Hello
beach in black and white Posted by Hello
beach in sepia Posted by Hello
sunset Posted by Hello
cute little things man! Posted by Hello
judge ets Posted by Hello

Thursday, March 10, 2005

FOR DODO: a whine for a whine

this was suppose to be a comment on dodo's blog but i realized it was just too damn long.

dodo, long as the climb may seem to you (assuming of course that dyogi's travel time is standard), let me compare your race against time with mine.

Vito, Pablo, Maya and Renata - these are the names of my future children.

One child, one name. I dont want my childrens birth certificates to read like german moreno's pabati list.

I dont have a boyfriend and, according to my calculations, i will have to "play" around with a couple of more boys before i meet THE ONE. (Note: possibility of not meeting THE ONE is NOT- repeat-NOT an option.) The relationship will probably need two-three years to simmer before marriage is even brought to the table. Give me another year to plan my wedding because it is, after all, MY wedding and i've been dreaming of it since i was five. And while i intend to start having children as soon as my bouquet is tossed, i do not intend to have my four children one right after the other or, God forbid, all at the same time. My hips have taken enough abuse from my genes thank you very much.

Which means that i need a total of 8 years to complete my litter, at least.

I am 30 years old now and my clock is running faster than most chicks because i've always been more physiologically advanced than the other girls.

So there. While your race is, admittedly, more profound than my shallow one, mine seems more hopeless to achieve. You've got your talent, and by god you have buckets-full, and this talent will not wane until lucidity is your friend.

On the otherhand, my body is already in the process of forming a union planning a strike within the next few years. My uterus is starting to feel the first stages of dehydration and its only a matter of time before it dries out completely. And, as it is, my cells are no longer at its producing peak.

So papano na ba to?


I turned 30 two days ago. It wasnt quite as grand as the day anthony hopkins had in meet joe black when he turned 65 (sorry i just saw the movie again on hbo), nor was it as dramatic as the day joel turned 30 last december (burnt house and mansyon surprise and all) but it was, nonetheless, uhm..... special :)

I went to bed the night before with a bad migraine and woke up to several texts and missed calls of birthday greetings. I opened my bedroom door to slugger who was just hanging out in the upstairs landing. He kissed me happy birthday. Bathed and dressed, i went downstairs where my brother bobby started playing Happy Birthday on his electric guitar (i love bobby!)

It was a virtually no-work day for me because i just simply refused to do anything. Fun lunch at the office with pansit, pizza and a birthday cake. After lunch was me enjoying larry's gift, a milkbath footspa at Footloose. Oooooh.....

Dinner was two pasta dishes. One oriental inspired, the other italian, both vegetarian, both fantastic. Although, the second batch of the vegetable medley was really the worst owing to lack of care for its prep.

Anyhoo, good day Lord. Good day. Thanks.

Monday, March 07, 2005


I went to the good old University Mall in La Salle last saturday before my spanish class.

Its funny how things change and how it doesnt at the same time.

Monster asked me once if i could see myself getting back together with niv. I said parang hindi cos i know him all too well and yet i dont really no him at all anymore.

Its sort of the same thing.