Thursday, February 21, 2013

I live in the hood. Motherhood.

When I was younger, I dreamt of moving to a foreign place where everyday is an adventure.  Where I would have to stress every syllable of every word to be understood and where I need to rely on hand gestures and facial expressions to understand.  Where night is day and day is night.  And where every experience is brand new even if you’ve done it a million other times before.

Well, here I finally am.

This is motherhood.  I’ve only just moved here three months ago but let me tell you a few things about living in the hood. 

1.  Here in the hood, there is only one boss.  It isn’t me and it certainly isn’t my hunky, macho man of a husband.  Oh no no no, we are but mere servants who run around like headless chicken at our boss’ slightest whimper. 

“O why anak? Are you hungry?  Here, take mama’s boo… Ah okay, you’re not hungry pala noh. Okay okay sige stop crying na.  Ahhhh naku maybe you’re wet. Let’s see nga.  O, you’re not naman eh.  Eh why are you crying baby?  Sige na tell mama and papa.  You want to make poopoo?  O here, hold mamas hand tightly so mama can help.  No pa rin?  Ahhh  I know na! You must be bored!  Oo nga naman, you’re just sitting there kasi noh.  O sige, lets go out baby.  Lets look at the outside world.  See anak o, look at all the colors. It's so pretty noh. Ah naku you dont like the outside world pala.  Yeah it sucks here noh.  Eh baka naman you’re really hungry na?  Lets try again ha, here, take mama’s boo...  Okay okay okay, you’re not talaga hungry.  I believe you na.  Maybe you want to sleep na noh?  Twinkle twinkle little star….”

And this ‘conversation’ with our boss has been on loop for three months.

2.  Here in the hood, there is only one star.  My husband and I, we who pay the bills and cook the food and go about our lives outside the hood acting as if we’re free people, we are nothing but fawning fans to the superstar. 

I watch her and I wait, with bated breath, for her to see me and smile at me.  And when I am finally bestowed with such an honor, I think of every good deed I’ve ever done in my life and I wonder which of those earned me this. 

3.  Here in the hood, there is nothing but love.   Please refer to Monster’s blog for deets because she wrote it ever so beautifully.

Read it here.

4.  Here in the hood, there is nothing but gratitude. Someday, someone will have to sit me down and explain to me why I was chosen to live here when others, far far better suited than I am, are still waiting to be let in.  I am grateful.  Every minute of every day, I am grateful. 

Salamat Uniberso. 

Salamat sa poong may kapal. 

Salamat sa matres ko na kahit may myoma ay nakapag aruga pa rin ng supling. 

Salamat sa mga doctor na nagtanggal ng pulupot na cord sa leeg ng anak ko at nagtahi ng punit sa bituka ko.

Salamat sa mga kamaganak at kaibigan na laging nangangamusta at paminsan minsan ay bumibisita, miski pa ang nadaratnan lamang nila ay isang nagpapasusong ina o nagngagangawang sanggol.

Salamat sa nanay ko, na sa pagiging ehemplo, ay nagturo sa akin kung pano magmahal ang isang mabuting ina.   At sa mga kapatid ko na syang mga una kong kalaro at kaibigan, para sa pagmamahal nila sa anak ko ng sobrang sobra at pagkuha ng isang damungkal na litrato.

Salamat sa asawa ko, my fellow servant and fellow fan (maybe even a bigger fan than I am), for waking up at the slightest kalabit in the middle of the night to see how he can be of help, for expertly and ever-so-lovingly changing diapers, and for blueberry hill morning dances with the little girl. 

Higit sa lahat, salamat Solana.  Salamat Sage.  Salamat anak.  For being patient with mama when she cant seem to understand you.  I promise you though, that even when you are able to talk in complete sentences using big words and espousing complex ideas, there will always be times when I still wont understand you.   

Such is the way of mothers and daughters.  

There will be times when you will feel that I am THE WORST, that I am against you and that I just don’t care.  I’ve been there.  And I swear to you that all those times I thought that about your abuela, I was always wrong.   

As you will always be wrong.  
Because, no matter how damning you feel your evidence is against me, I will always be on your side, I will always care, and I am always, in every possible way, THE BEST.