the year that was

2004

It was not the best year for most of us.

Mother nature was vindictive this year. Sought retribution for all that man took from her. An eye for an eye she said. Our children for hers. And so 300 and counting were lost in the flashfloods up north. We should have learned our lesson from the 3,000 deaths in Ormoc a decade back. Instead we gambled some more, risking innocent lives that weren't ours to risk. Well, we lost again didnt we?

And while the world celebrated christmas, mother nature, too, put on her dancing shoes and discoed until the earth moved with her. Her score - 8.9 baby, the fourth highest she's gotten thus far. The indonesians did not only lose Suharto this year, they lost hundreds more in the past two days.

Worse, the earthquake produced killer Tsunamis that have hit the coast lines of Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia and 4 other Asian countries killing almost 12,000 people in total. 12,000 souls.

Politics took also an interesting turn this year. Two weeks ago, FPJ left his kingdom of millions kingless. Guised as a sacred ceremony sending off the dead, i watched the circus unfold on TV.

An indignant best friend and opportunistic political ally in the person of a fat duck vowed to keep the fight for justice. His justice: to see his dead friend declared as the rightful winner of the last election and to find a way to finagle his way out of his sorry state now.

A grieving widow who has declared personal war on anyone who has ever thought her husband was a stupid nitwit in the past.

The show was capped by a horse-drawn carriage carrying his coffin that stopped traffic in the city. Make no mistake about it, it was nothing less than a circus and what elvin would have rightly labeled as mass hysteria.

The ukraines have elevated political vendetta to a whole new level, or perhaps brought it back to greek times, as betrayal through poison ate up the good looks of Victor Yuchenko. But the poison has not affected the great man that he is. Good luck to you man. Here's to you changing your world.

The americans have decided that they either really like gwbush or would like to see a sequel to moore's fahrenheit.

On a personal level, this year was a learning experience for me. Found out a lot of things that i never knew about myself before.

Yes, it could have been better. But it could have been much worse too.

So 2005, lets see what you have for us.

am i a cayman crocodile? are you?

according to dr. brady barr, cayman crocodiles are often spared their lives because of their low-grade leather quality.

Put yourself, if you will, in the low-grade leather shoes of the cayman. Its a beautiful saturday and you, exhausted from lunching on your best-friend molly, rest your tired bloated body on the banks of a south american swamp. When, from a distance, you see hunters carrying weapons and tools that you've witnessed hurt many of your kind in the past.

You hear them in conversation. Pointing at something in your direction while excitedly uttering unintelligible sounds. You get on the defensive. You prepare yourself for battle.

And they pass you. They dont even look at you. They surround and capture instead the more-designer-coveted-higher-grade-leather of the australian saltwater crocodile resting a mile from you. (yeah i know, how did an australian crocodile end up in south america right? well, in my blog, anything is possible)

Do you say "thank god im not that pretty!" or do you feel hurt and rejected and let out a big "HMPH!!!"

See, if TV's regular programming is suddenly interrupted by an annoucement that alien life has made contact with earth and will be taking the best of our specie to study and experiment on, I'de be scared of course at first. But then, resigned to my fate, i would head to my bedroom, pack my stuff, and bid my family and friends goodbye.

But what if they dont come for me? Do i get down on my knees and thank my lucky stars that im low-grade or do i walk around dazed and confused and hurt and rejected?

What if im just another cayman? Actually, im sure im just another cayman.

How sad naman.

my own personal tragedy today

The only friend i have left in the office is leaving on the 4th of january. He was bound to sooner or later. This company has always been too small for his talent.

But im gonna miss him.

when did i lose it exactly?

im talking about my humanity. i seem to have very little left.

deesj is genuinely affected by all the flash floods up north that left 300 dead. affected enough to feel guilty about the peking duck we had last night. affected enough to organize a group of people to help out.

am i saddened by it? yes.
am i willing to do what i can to help? yes.

but that's it. i dont feel any more than that. i cant offer any more but that.

what is this monster that i have become?

Go fish!

Had a very comfortable and rather lengthy coffee break with deesj yesterday. Discussions, that ranged from sex to christmas shopping to michelle pfeiffer’s monologue in the movie the story of us, inevitably lead to my love life. And why it has been virtually nonexistent for the past three years already.

My god! Has it really been that long? 3 years man! How can that number not shatter any modicum of self-esteem one has? How can that stretch not lead to the gates of self-pity where one is bound to ask “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?”

So peeps, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Lets get straight to it. Im prettier than most people I know. Hell, im willing to bet I’m prettier than most people YOU know. I am also, much to my misfortune and doing, larger than most people. I’ve been told though that size is not necessarily a factor in the laws of attraction. I am inclined to believe that these people are mistaken. But, for my sake, I hope they are not.

I do have the smarts. And, by God as he is my witness, I have the funnies too.

I am entertaining and exciting and stimulating and all that jazz and more.

So, what is wrong with me right?

Am i too loud? I can’t help it if I’ve been blessed with over-reaching nerves that cause my voice to jump a pitch or two higher when excited. And besides, being loud has its own merits. Especially within the hallowed walls of the bedroom (or the sala or the kitchen or the car or the garden.)

Or, maybe, I’ve been sending off a message to the universe that I’m okay being alone for now. So the universe heeds and delivers or, in my case, doesn’t just yet. My client said that I should remove all my solo pictures displayed on my desk cos these pictures is me telling the world “WORLD, LOOK AT ME, IM HAPPY ALONE!” but why ba? Im really cute naman in these pictures eh. Why should I not display them.?

Its not like I’ve been dead these past three years. You know that cliché ‘all good men are either gay or taken.’ Particularly true in my case. Although sometimes I wonder why that is with me. Do I purposely gravitate to the gays and the takens because my unconscious knows that nothing will come out of it thereby keeping me safe and snug in my bed of paranoia and fear. Lets face it, my ass was whupped big time in my last relationship. Can I be blamed if im not too hot to jump in an arena where my ass could be whupped some more?

So anyway, maybe im ready na rin somewhat. Maybe.