Had a very comfortable and rather lengthy coffee break with deesj yesterday. Discussions, that ranged from sex to christmas shopping to michelle pfeiffer’s monologue in the movie the story of us, inevitably lead to my love life. And why it has been virtually nonexistent for the past three years already.
My god! Has it really been that long? 3 years man! How can that number not shatter any modicum of self-esteem one has? How can that stretch not lead to the gates of self-pity where one is bound to ask “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?”
So peeps, what the fuck is wrong with me?
Lets get straight to it. Im prettier than most people I know. Hell, im willing to bet I’m prettier than most people YOU know. I am also, much to my misfortune and doing, larger than most people. I’ve been told though that size is not necessarily a factor in the laws of attraction. I am inclined to believe that these people are mistaken. But, for my sake, I hope they are not.
I do have the smarts. And, by God as he is my witness, I have the funnies too.
I am entertaining and exciting and stimulating and all that jazz and more.
So, what is wrong with me right?
Am i too loud? I can’t help it if I’ve been blessed with over-reaching nerves that cause my voice to jump a pitch or two higher when excited. And besides, being loud has its own merits. Especially within the hallowed walls of the bedroom (or the sala or the kitchen or the car or the garden.)
Or, maybe, I’ve been sending off a message to the universe that I’m okay being alone for now. So the universe heeds and delivers or, in my case, doesn’t just yet. My client said that I should remove all my solo pictures displayed on my desk cos these pictures is me telling the world “WORLD, LOOK AT ME, IM HAPPY ALONE!” but why ba? Im really cute naman in these pictures eh. Why should I not display them.?
Its not like I’ve been dead these past three years. You know that cliché ‘all good men are either gay or taken.’ Particularly true in my case. Although sometimes I wonder why that is with me. Do I purposely gravitate to the gays and the takens because my unconscious knows that nothing will come out of it thereby keeping me safe and snug in my bed of paranoia and fear. Lets face it, my ass was whupped big time in my last relationship. Can I be blamed if im not too hot to jump in an arena where my ass could be whupped some more?
So anyway, maybe im ready na rin somewhat. Maybe.