WHEN GOOD SHELLS GO BAD...

WARNING: Blog content is highly disgusting and mildly exaggerated to allow for the dramatics--- i am, after all, me. Reader's discretion is advised. Also, reader's imagination is encouraged to take the route taken by "caught on tape" shows for maximum enjoyment.

Voice over:
When maite alvarez went to bed at 2:30 in the morning on saturday, October the 14th, she thought she had plenty of sleep ahead of her. The week prior was toxic but the week that was coming was downright venomous and a restful, quiet sunday was her only break in between.

Little did she know that that particular sunday morning was not going to be as easy as the Commodores said sundays ought to be.

Maite Alvarez:
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning because my stomach was grumbling and there was this intense pain that I had never felt before. It felt like the devil himself was poking my insides with his pitchfork and all i could do was lie on my bed and cringe in sorrow.

Voice over:
But that was not all she could do. Gathering every morsel of strength she had, maite stood up and dragged herself to the bathroom where she unleashed what was to be only the first of 86 trips to the toilet.

Maite Alvarez:
The first one wasnt so bad. It was a relief really. You have to understand that I woke up feeling like there was a rave party in my stomach and everyone i know and their mother showed up and showed up drunk. The trip to the banyo turned the rave into a more relaxed cocktail party. I felt better after that.

Voice over:
But barely an hour after she felt better, maite started to feel worse.

Maite Alvarez:
I was in the middle of my business for the second time when i suddenly felt light headed. It was as if by expelling my toxins, I was expelling my very soul. I knew I needed help and I knew I had to move fast to get it. So I WASHED UP and stood up to go to my bedroom. As I was drying up, I felt like all the wind was being sucked out of me. Everything became hazy and I knew that I was going to faint already. So I panicked. I rushed out of my room and walked towards the dining area where i hoped to find somebody who could help me. Luckily, my father was on his way to the garden when he saw me struggling to walk from my room. I called out faintly 'papa' before i finally gave in to the darkness and collapsed.

Voice over:
Maite was in and out of consciousness for a little less than a minute, but it felt like two centuries to her.

Maite Alvarez:
It was like I was torn between going towards the voice of my father which was increasingly becoming more and more distant and going towards the light which was becoming more and more comforting. My father was panicking. He was asking one question after the other, hoping to get a clue on how to help me.

He was asking "Hija, what did you do last night?" "What's happening to you?" "What's wrong?"

To answer his questions, I blurted out the three words i thought would help the most;

SEAFOODS, RED, and TIDE.

Voice over:
The night before, maite and friend gigi dined on mussels and oysters. Ordinarily, the only result one expects from a meal of seashells is the wonderful memory of a fanstastic meal. But taken on an empty stomach, a meal of these same shelled sources of joy can mean DISASTER!

To make the situation worse, in her haste to get some help, maite forgot to do something that caused her much humiliation - she was not able to pull up her panties when she walked out of her room.

So there she was, laying unconscious on the floor, with her ass as bare as God intended it to be..... and her father worried sick beside her.

Maite Alvarez:
When I recovered my wits, i started to weigh which would have been worse - dying because of over eating or dying with my bum exposed.

Voice over:
And there it is, another story where what are seen as defenseless and harmless shellfish threaten a precious human life. A story we urge you to remember the next time you feast on this traitorous creatures that can cost you more than your dinner bill if and when good shells go bad.