Like the deserts miss the rain

There are so many things you take for granted when you know its readily available anytime you need or want them.

Like...

movie theaters
krispy kreme
cibo
cars
airconditioning
malls
fastfood
pets
friends
chums
family

Not too shabby for ettie. Not too shabby at all.

Yesterday

I woke up feeling wonderful, despite the 9pm-4am brownout that kept me company during the night. My arms, my stomach and my shoulders were still sore from the free yoga session I took the night before (my comeback session after 4 months of being inactive,) but my spirits were soaring. I decided to take advantage of my morning since I did not have work until after lunch. So I took a walk. I took a VERY long walk. From one end of the beach to the other and back again. I was quite burnt after and VERY dehydrated since I forgot to bring water. But it was fantastic.

I ended the day with an all natural facial from the best spa in the Island for free because its my job to know all their treatments.

Today

I spent the morning basking in the sun and taking a dip in the beach after. My first dip since I got here.

I ended it with a body scrub and a massage from the best spa in the Island for free because its my job to know all their treatments.


Recap

I get free yoga sessions.
I spend my mornings in the beach.
I end my days with facials and massages from the best spa in the Island for free because its my job to know all their treatments.

I could get used to this.

My goal here

I have to be honest, it's been really rough. I've always been surrounded by people all my life (being popular and all) and then suddenly, I find myself alone. Eating out alone, having coffee alone, walking around alone. But I am getting used to it. Now, I only fight back tears half the time I used to.

Anyway, there are two things I've come to accept since I got here.

1. There can only be one group that I can call CHUMS. I've always known this but it has never hit home until now. I never came here with the intention of replacing them. I knew that would be impossible. But I thought that I could build friendships that would at least have half the fun. Now, I am just willing to settle for company sometimes.

2. I am slowly beginning to be okay with that. I always thought that this experience would be more of a journey to self-discovery more than it would be a party. So my goal now is not to stop eating out alone or having coffe alone and walking around alone. What I want now is to be able to do all of these things and be able to do them happily.

There is a hawaiian or polynesian saying that goes "YOU ARE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR." So in the next __ months, I will get to know myself, appreciate myself, and celebrate myself.

I say "I LOVE MYSELF" all the time. Now, I actually have to mean it.

*****

I just want to say that I LOVE MY CHUMS!!! and i miss all of you very much. Please visit me na.

The Gratitude Attitude

I spent my 32nd birthday alone. I've never done that before. But, because of the following people, I didn't feel alone at all;

Thank you to the following (in chronological order)

My family (mom, papa, guada, pats, bob and michael) for being the first people, as usual, to greet me.

Jenni and claude, who greeted me even before the 8th. Although claude actually thought my birthday was the 7th. hee.

Riya who was the first to text me at 12 midnight.

Gwen who was a very close second.

Drach who was the first to call and sing me the birthday song.

Gigi who called only in the morning only because her she slept through her alarm.

An unidentified number who said "happy birthday beautiful"

Tim who texted first to greet me happy womens day and then happy birthday after i hinted ever so subtly "happy birthday maite is an appropriate greeting for me too today you know."

Therese who, I'm assuming, is responsible for telling the folks at CISV to greet me. And the folks at CISV who greeted me sunod sunod kaya obvious.

Vince for remembering to greet me on time even when i greeted him a day after his.

Dodo for blogging about me before he even found out about my birthday.

Tracy, Adi and Mamu who had to be reminded (by me) to greet me.

Joel who, despite the reminder, didnt.

Deesj for talking to me during dinner through text.

Ruth for talking to me during coffee through text.

Niv who called to tell me that it was Robert Jaworski's and Carlito Lim's birthday. Hahahahahah. I swear we do this every year.

Monster who greeted me belatedly (im pretty sure i invented this word) today.

And everybody else who did, you know who you are (yuck, showbiz), thanks thanks thanks.

It really brought home closer to this island.

Boracay

After all the planning, all the praying, all the fighting with mom, I am finally here.

Except I'm really not here.

I haven't been out on the beach for a swim.
I haven't had a coffee shake at jonas.
No sunsets at Fridays.
No pesto omelette at real coffee.
No friends.
No chums.
No pats and guada.

Just the island - stripped off most of the things i love her for.

Let's just see where this goes.

No promises. No commitments.

Pulling a Houdini

It's an escape too.

In fact, maybe more than it is anything else, it's an escape --- from places, from people, from memories, from situations I want to get out of.

Because I want a fresh start. Because I need to feel better about myself. Because I deserve so much more than this.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

When tony bennett and sting get together to sing one of the saddest songs i've ever heard, even one that has funny words like boulevard and gigolette, you just really want to cry.

sometimes, life is just sad.


I walk along the street of sorrow -
The boulevard of broken dreams -
Where Gigolo and Gigolette -
Can take a kiss without regret -
and so forget their broken dreams.

You laugh today and cry tomorrow -
When you behold your shattered schemes -
And Gigolo and Gigolette wake up to find
their eyes are wet with tears that tell of
broken dreams

Here is where you'll always find me -
Always walking up and down -
But I left my soul behind me
in an old cathedral town

The joy that you find here, you borrow -
You cannot keep it long it seems -
But Gigolo and Gigolette -
Still sing a song and dance along -
The boulevard of broken dreams.

C.I.D.

Two days after it officially took effect, I finally turned in my resignation letter two hours ago.

Dear Sir,

This is to tender my resignation effective February 28, 2007.

I have been with CID for over 6 years now and I can sincerely say that this company has been more than just a place of business for me. In my favorite movie ‘The Godfather’, a line was drawn between what is business and what is personal and how the two can never, or perhaps should never, be confused with the other. Fortunately for me, I found a company that welcomes this confusion. In fact, it thrives on it.

Honestly, this resignation is especially difficult because I feel like I’m saying goodbye to a home that has nurtured me, to a family that has inspired me, and to two fathers who have never failed to guide me. But I do know that, precisely because we are how we are, I can never really ever resign from CID.

So while it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye, I leave with wonderful memories that I hope will keep me sane as I walk towards the unfamiliar where I am expecting to find myself lost every so often. But because of my skills, my talents and my determination – all of which have been honed through many nerve wracking, nail biting, deadline beating, hair pulling projects in CID that resulted in sleepless nights, migraine and anxiety attacks, eyebags, wrinkles, and, occasionally, self doubt – I am confident that I will always find my way again.

And for this, I am and will always be grateful to CID.

With much love,
Maite Alvarez


PS, please don’t deduct na my suspension from my final pay. I will be sooooo poor in boracay.

Thanks.