Immortal

My greatest fear used to be death. I’m proud to say that I’m not afraid of it anymore. In fact, I’m even looking forward to it now because I know my papa will be on the other side to welcome me when I die. So I assumed that my second greatest fear, losing my teeth, would naturally move up and claim the top spot. But apparently there is now something more terrifying than that.

I’m afraid of forgetting my papa. Right now it seems unthinkable that I will but I have an already really bad memory and a family history of Alzheimer’s and I am soooo afraid that the time will come when I cannot remember anymore how he talked, or laughed, or got angry. What if all I have in the end is a vague memory of a man who used to live with us when I was growing up. Lord, please don’t let that happen ever. EVER.

Anyway, sana ako nalang si jim carrey sa Truman show para nachronicle ang life ko every second and I can watch it lang over and over again but since I’m not and I cant, ganito nalang muna;

1. I will remember you every time I eat Oreos or jolly biscuits because of all the nights you stayed up waiting for us to come home with this as pasalubong.
2. I will remember you every time I’m in sunshine mall because that was where you picked me up every time I commuted home when you could still drive.
3. I will remember you every time I will eat pusit or paella or lengua de gato because that was the last thing I cooked and baked for you on your last Sunday with us.
4. I will remember you every time I am in Boracay. I always wanted to take you there because I know you would have loved it.
5. I will remember you every time the U.S. have their presidential elections because of the times we watched Obama vs. Clinton on CNN together.
6. I will remember you every time I see a golf course and I will console myself by thinking that you are probably already playing on the best golf course in the sky.
7. I will remember you every time I hear send in the clowns because, for some reason, I have a vivid memory of you listening to that sad sad song.
8. I will remember you every time I see a black import because of that funny comment you made at tito ricky’s house one night.
9. I will remember you every time I hear the word FENGSHUI! And I will laugh every time I do.
10. I will remember you every time I smell coffee because of all those times I made a cup for you and for all those times I made someone else do it because I was too lazy.
11. I will remember you every time I drive by C5 because of that stupid night we slept in the pick-up because traffic stopped moving.
12. I will remember you every time I see michael’s long nails that you used to patiently cut and that time when you even ended up cutting the skin around his nails because you couldn’t see clearly na.
13. I will remember you with your eyes closed and your head bobbin every time I watch bobby sing cocaine.
14. I will remember you every time pats wears baggy pants because you really hated that
15. I will remember you every time I see guada healthy because of that time you talked to me, worried and sad, because you thought she will never be.
16. I will remember you every time I see mama happy knowing that she will never really be as happy as when you were with her.

There are still so many things that will remind me of you so please please please God let me never forget.

Hay.

I miss you everyday papa.


my papa
September 18, 1943 - February 23, 2008