Immortal

My greatest fear used to be death. I’m proud to say that I’m not afraid of it anymore. In fact, I’m even looking forward to it now because I know my papa will be on the other side to welcome me when I die. So I assumed that my second greatest fear, losing my teeth, would naturally move up and claim the top spot. But apparently there is now something more terrifying than that.

I’m afraid of forgetting my papa. Right now it seems unthinkable that I will but I have an already really bad memory and a family history of Alzheimer’s and I am soooo afraid that the time will come when I cannot remember anymore how he talked, or laughed, or got angry. What if all I have in the end is a vague memory of a man who used to live with us when I was growing up. Lord, please don’t let that happen ever. EVER.

Anyway, sana ako nalang si jim carrey sa Truman show para nachronicle ang life ko every second and I can watch it lang over and over again but since I’m not and I cant, ganito nalang muna;

1. I will remember you every time I eat Oreos or jolly biscuits because of all the nights you stayed up waiting for us to come home with this as pasalubong.
2. I will remember you every time I’m in sunshine mall because that was where you picked me up every time I commuted home when you could still drive.
3. I will remember you every time I will eat pusit or paella or lengua de gato because that was the last thing I cooked and baked for you on your last Sunday with us.
4. I will remember you every time I am in Boracay. I always wanted to take you there because I know you would have loved it.
5. I will remember you every time the U.S. have their presidential elections because of the times we watched Obama vs. Clinton on CNN together.
6. I will remember you every time I see a golf course and I will console myself by thinking that you are probably already playing on the best golf course in the sky.
7. I will remember you every time I hear send in the clowns because, for some reason, I have a vivid memory of you listening to that sad sad song.
8. I will remember you every time I see a black import because of that funny comment you made at tito ricky’s house one night.
9. I will remember you every time I hear the word FENGSHUI! And I will laugh every time I do.
10. I will remember you every time I smell coffee because of all those times I made a cup for you and for all those times I made someone else do it because I was too lazy.
11. I will remember you every time I drive by C5 because of that stupid night we slept in the pick-up because traffic stopped moving.
12. I will remember you every time I see michael’s long nails that you used to patiently cut and that time when you even ended up cutting the skin around his nails because you couldn’t see clearly na.
13. I will remember you with your eyes closed and your head bobbin every time I watch bobby sing cocaine.
14. I will remember you every time pats wears baggy pants because you really hated that
15. I will remember you every time I see guada healthy because of that time you talked to me, worried and sad, because you thought she will never be.
16. I will remember you every time I see mama happy knowing that she will never really be as happy as when you were with her.

There are still so many things that will remind me of you so please please please God let me never forget.

Hay.

I miss you everyday papa.


my papa
September 18, 1943 - February 23, 2008

How are you?

I am touched and grateful for the question but for the first time in 32 years, I don’t know how to answer it. More accurately, I don’t know if I should.

What would these people who ask me how I am do if I decide to tell them EXACTLY how I am? These, I have no doubt, good meaning and genuinely concerned people who probably ask only because they don’t know what else to say (Because really, what else is there to say?) Will they have the time, the energy to listen to me talk and ramble on and on and on as I try desperately to understand why what happened happened? Will they have the patience to just sit, awkward and still, when I lose myself in thoughts that are often too painful to share? Are they equipped to help me unload this heavy, heavy, unbelievably heavy feeling I've been carrying in my chest since that awful thursday?

So I say I’m okay - even if I’m not - because I believe I will be someday - because I'm tough like papa that way. Except I’m sure that okay will never mean the same again. Not without him.

Power

It doesn’t begin with a promotion or an elected position. It doesn’t come with money or a commanding voice that makes everybody’s knees shake

It starts here - the time when you wake up in the morning. That small window before your day breaks when your mind begins to stir before your eyes even open. That fraction of a moment when you have absolute power to decide if today is gonna be a good day or not. Because if you don’t make that decision then, you put yourself at the mercy of life’s whims, and that is never a good way to live.

Today is gonna be a fantastic day!

A new year. A new word. A new perspective.

2008.

Materialize.

Training is over. No more practice. It’s game time. Let’s play!!!

My feelings about feelings

I just recently realized that I’m not at all comfortable having feelings. I mean I love to talk and I’m vocal about my opinions and my theories and I have no problems sharing them with anybody but feelings are an entirely different thing. I hide it, deny it, bottle it or pretend they’re something other than what they are. I don’t like being afraid or vulnerable or ridiculously happy or hopeful. When I start feeling these things a part of my brain turns around and runs to the opposite direction.

I envy people who can easily talk about their feelings. They walk in a room, sit down and casually, and some inarticulately, deliver a monologue of feelings both so complex and silly it deserves a sit-down with Oprah. And I listen amused, entertained and, yes, envious.

I am not made like that.

Apparently, I can only talk about my feelings when I’ve already detached myself from them. And talking about feelings you’ve already detached yourself from is as insane as thinking about wearing a shirt you’ve already given away.

The other night I had devastating news. I couldn’t talk about it until I was sure I could without breaking down. I’m afraid that if I give in to the fear, the universe will really act on it. So I allow myself to shrug off the severity of what I feel because acknowledging it would just be risking too much.

And so, I therefore conclude that I don’t like having feelings.

Hi. Just wanted to say a few things about...

Mafia Politics

A certain political leader of a major city in Mindanao made public a list that contained several names of known criminals in his territory. He gave them 15 days to get out of his town or else... All of them left. One came back. He was shot dead the day he did.

This city is known to be the most progressive and peaceful in the area.

I don’t know what surprises me more – that he did what he did or that it works.


The future of my country

The only thing that’s worse than me saying that the future of this country looks dismal is me knowing that I’m an optimist. That that’s the glass half full perspective because some say this country has no future at all.

Lotto mentality

Winning the lotto should never be plan A.

And Wowowee sure as hell isn’t plan B.


Heroes

I grew up to stories of real men and women who walked to school in worn-out slippers and tattered shirts to give themselves an education and who now run successful businesses and live in mansions.

Will our children have the same stories to tell their children?

We need more heroes.

November 30 - December 2

I'm going home :)

Today,

I woke up in a world where a convicted plunderer walks a free man.

THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER!

Been waiting for the perfect time to say that and here it finally is!

I feel invincible. I feel almighty. I feel immortal.

I am driving on a highway and the only thing ahead is a magical world of endless posibilidades!

WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!

Okay, seriously.

It’s been a little over a month since I got back from my radical sabbatical. I have since done the following;

Benevolently reclaimed my room. My grandma moved in while I was away and moved out when I got back. I did not ask her to. She graciously did so. And I never could say no to her.

Went back to work. In the same old place with the same old job wearing the same old clothes… except it feels absolutely new. Here’s the deal – I left a miserable job in march and came back to a promising career in october. See the power of semantics.

Made friends with the roads and the cars again. You know in shawshank redemption when a very terrified Brooks, after thousands of years in prison, was trying to cross the car infested streets. That was ets in makati av a month ago. Now, I’m back to being the fearless pedestrian that I truly am.

Regained a few pounds. 8 to be exact from the time my plane landed til Sunday morning. I’m getting back on track though. With my no carbs after six and the hip hop abs on the way, I’ll be back to just being deliciously plump from grotesquely overweight in no time.

Reconfigured my formula for happiness. I always thought that the key to happiness is finding the thing that will make me truly happy. Well, as it turns out, there are 3 billion and 84 things I can do and I can try one different thing every day and still not live long enough to get to that ONE thing that will make me happy. I have decided not to live like that anymore. I am reversing it. Cos there is already something I am doing right now and I will find my happiness doing it RIGHT NOW.

Re-chumming myself. Well first thing that needed done was fix that nonsense with Adi. Actually that’s the only thing that needed doing. I love me chums. It's not the same of course. We're hardly complete anymore but I believe that chums is more than a collection of people. It has its own separate identity. It is a, or maybe even the, spirit of fun and good times. And just like God, when 2 or 3 are gathered in its name, there is chums in the midst of them.

Sowed the seeds of good food. In the middle of figuring everything out. But when its all done… well I actually don’t think I’m at liberty to talk about it just yet so let this suffice until I can – ours will be building more than just a house.

See why I’m flying - there’s an oyster on my plate. It’s fresh, juicy and delicious. And more importantly, its all mine!

and the countdown begins...

i'll be home in 18 days. God. 18. That's nothing. Its three episodes of heroes. three trips to church. 1 friggin payday.

I am so excited. Sooooooo excited. So excited i wake up giddy every morning. Absolutely giddy. Now theres a word I hardly ever use but I'm using it now because thats exactly how I wake up every morning. Gi-effing-ddy!!!!

I cant wait to see my mama and papa. Cant wait to eat my sister's adobo. cant wait to hug michael. cant wait to listen to bobs jokes. cant wait to eat anything with pats. cant wait to shout at my lola (she's kinda deaf as most old people are). cant wait to hear slugger bark again.

And to have friends!!! by god how wonderful to have friends again.

And yet... (well of course may and yet, ganyan ang life eh, parang coin, may two sides)

I'm sure I will miss this place i have grudginly called home these past months. I will miss the independence, the solitude, the walks (with or without a flashlight), the dogs, the tricyles, the motorbikes, my veranda. I think I'll even miss doing the laundry.

I love this place. I think a small part of me will always think of this place as a sanctuary. A place i can run to to find some peace, some balance. But as sure as I was six months ago of moving, I'm just as sure now of leaving. And I'm happy to say that I do so still in love with the place.

Everytime I see the beach, everytime i watch the sunset, everytime i step in the water, I still find myself in complete awe. How beautiful naman talaga this place. I mean I know people who've been to the maldives will probably laugh at me for thinking this is paradise noh but to them i say "eh i havent been to the maldives eh. why ba?"

Anyway, while I am so excited about going home, Im also a wee bit scawed.

And I dont know what scares me the most actually - that things have changed too much or that they have not at all.

QUOTE, UNQUOTE

"I don't care if you get mad at me or if your fans get mad at me. I will tell you the truth to help you get better. I will tell you what you need to hear to make your dreams come true. I will sacrifice myself.... for you."

- said a very serious Tyra Banks to her supermodel hopefuls.

YEEEESSSSSSS!!!!! HUY! MAG HULOSDILI KA TY. HINDI MO PASAN ANG WORLD. WAG KANG MAGPAKA HERO EFFECT.

"(someone or other from some band) is a very good compositionist."

- said VJ heart evangelista on myx

I KNOW I'VE BEEN LIVING IN A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE CALL ME MIGHTY BUT WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE MORE OBVIOUS AND UNDOUBTEDLY MORE POPULAR, MORE CORRECT 'COMPOSER.'

"A rich person is not someone who has more but someone who needs less."

- some anonymous email

I REALLY REALLY BELIEVE THAT. OR WANT TO.

"SUPPLIES!!!" yelled the excited chinese man....

I have to say, Leoy's weekend surprise visit is easily one of my favorite boracay moments.

I was talking about the ayurvedic ingredients of one of our treatments to a couple of koreans when, from the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar tall and lanky :-) figure approaching. I look up and there he was, LEOYAUC!!! I really just left the two pikis and let out a very 22 thousand decibel "eeeeeeeh!!!"

My geads, hindi ko kinaya yon.

So we had merienda and I made him and fool try my favorite ginger slush and then I met up with them that night to enjoy his pasalubong for me :-) FUN FUN FUN. except, labas ng labas. pero chikka na rin.

The following day, they were slathered with papaya-pineapple jam all over and covered in banana leaves. hee hee. they did not enjoy that. And then he treated me to dinner because he said I'm poor. (for the record, I am not, was never, will never be poor. okay universe?)

The next day, we ate much tinapa at palomaria. And then he left and i cried like a baby to tracy. To quote a very sobbing ets "I'm always nalang left behind...huhuhuhu"

anyway, It was all so fun.

Tomorrow, tracy will be here naman. Woooo hoooo!!! i cant wait to talk to her face to face.

i am soh very bored

Dear Manila,

Greetings from the island paradise of Boracay! It's only been two weeks since I've seen you last and already I miss your smog and your traffic and your krispy kreme. Anyway, I just thought I'd write to you a little about this small provincial place that I've left you for.

Its been a little over four months since I've moved here and I think, by virtue of the number of choriburgers I've eaten and the motorbike rides I've taken, I have earned the right to call myself a local. As such, I've noticed a couple of things that might have escaped the eye of the many tourists that come visit and I feel duty bound to report them to you para hindi ka masyadong mainsecure na parang mas mahal ng tao tong islang eto kesa sa syudad mo.

1. Gas stations. There are no neon lights, no treats or selects, no gas pumps here. What we have are nipa huts that line the road with different sizes of coca cola bottles filled with pink gasoline. As your tricycle pulls up, a helpful attendant in shorts and sando (sometimes) rushes to greet you and take your order. Your driver chooses between the one liter, 1.5 or 2 (it also comes in sakto sizes for the poor) and your eager attendant gets the order, opens your gas tank and fills it up. Miski hindi high tech, full service pa rin po naman. So okay na rin.

2. Safety is not cool. Especially not when you're riding the motor. Please note that it is not cool to hold on to the driver (and also very gross). You just hold on to the thin metal thing at the back with one hand and pretend you dont care that the driver is probably violating 24 safety violations. And you know, just yesterday, I rode the tricycle with 8 other people. Can you imagine cramming 9 bodies into a 1.5 meters by 1 meter piece of rusting metal running 20kph?

3. paranaque is to taxi drivers what angol is to tricycle drivers. Paranaque is where i live in the city and taxi drivers avoid it like the plague. Angol is where i live here and tricycle drivers avoid it like the plague. What the fuck man?!?

Anyway, I dreamt of you again last night. You're airport has drive-through ticket sale booths na raw. I wouldn't be surprised if thats true. You have immense potential manila. yuck.

Anyway, i miss you and I will see you soon.

Love,
ettie

P.S.

Ilan beses na kitang iniwan
Nilayasan at ibang pinuntahan.....

"HINDI KAMI HEAVY!" - ETS, GI (isang pagsasaulat ni Mike Enriquez)

Boracay, Philippines, June 14, 2007 --- Mistulang mga butanding sa mata ng iba, taas noong ikinaila ng magkaibigang gigi at ettie ang kumakalat na balitang sila raw ay heavy. Ika ng dalawa na sila umanoy magagaang... kasama.

Ani ni ettie na sa isang buwang pagsasama ng dalawang halos araw araw sa boracay ay naging maaliwalas at masaya ang bawat sandali. Hindi raw katulad ng kamakailan lang nasirang relasyon nila ruffa at ylmas. Wala naman raw naganap na tutukan ng baril, pangunguryente o pagmomodelo kay ricky reyes sa kanilang relasyon.

Ang pinakamahirap na raw na addyasments ni ettie ay ang pagtulog ng alas otso, samantalang kay gigi naman ay ang hindi pagsara ni ettie ng ilaw sa banyo kahit wala nang gagamit nito.



***

Tomorrow, the only family I have in Boracay is leaving na. Pity naman ets. Babay mare.

Tagged!

Tagged! This is what you are supposed to do. Cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game.

Each player of this game starts off by giving six weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own six weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names.

After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.


1. I am a morbid person.

When people are late or when they're not where they're supposed to be, my first thought is always "My god they've died." When i was in high school, my parents promised that they'd be home by 12 so when they still weren't home at 1, I started crying cos I thought something horrible had happened. So i called Makati Medical to ask if someone had brought in marivic and mari. And then one time naman, the asshole went to malate with friends and I couldnt reach him from 11pm til 3pm. Off ang cellphone. So ang thoughts ko imbes na typical selosa chick na fuck nagloloko to, "oh my god he's dead." So i cry and cry and really was just waiting for his ghost to come to my bed and kiss me goodbye.

2. I was absolutely against me carrying take-out food in public places in 2002.

I knew that people will stop and stare and say "kaya pala." So when I absolutely had to, I walked as fast as I could praying that people wont see. But the truth is, when you're 205 pounds, people see.

3. My greatest fear is losing my teeth.

Okay, maybe its only second to death, but it scares the shit out of me. One time I was 'drunk' and I fell and hit my head on the floor, the first thing i did was run to the bathroom and check if I still had all of my teeth.


4. I can invent memories. Or steal them. Or have other people invent them for me.

bad memory plus vivid imagination equals;

a. Ets claiming experiences to be her own when it "allegedly" happened to someone else pala.
b. Sister making ets believe that she did something she didnt just so sister and middle child brother can laugh behind her back
c. Ets suddenly getting mad at someone because he did something bad to her so she doesn't speak to him for days only to realize later that he only did it IN HER HEAD.
d. All of the above

5. I can make uu at will. And I love it.

When I'm bored, or when I need to kill some time, or when i just want some quiet time, I go to the banyo anytime, anywhere, and make uu. And it is one of the most satisfying thing for me.

6. I had a secret wedding with Mar Roxas.

I spent a good hour of my life daydreaming about marrying Mar Roxas once. From the proposal, to the headlines, to the argument we had because he was insisting that I should make Gaita Fores a bridesmaid, it was a daydream that really took off on its own and ended with me by his side as he takes his oath to be president of the country.


_________________

I tag jenni, dodo, vince, irene, therese, and you whoever you are

Sabi ni brad kay angelina

"I find you in the morning sky, in the sound of children's laughter, in the motion of every stirring wind. I love you."

My geads. kaya ko yon ah.

When you're standing still,

you are neither chained to a past nor bound to a future.

You are just exactly where you are.

And sometimes, where you are is exactly where you're supposed to be.

promise hindi ako sabog. thoughts ko lang to while yoga-ing the other day.

Pats, my alcoholic brother,

was here for 4 short days.

We both cried when he left.

I miss my family terribly.

Even slugger.

Sana. Pero hindi.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

My Life in Bullets

- Since I've last blogged, I've been on an emotional roller coaster that, thankfully, has had more ups than downs. The biggest cause of "wooooo hooooooo" of course was the long-awaited chums visit that turned out to be one of the funnest chumsperiences ever.

- The funniest moment from this trip for me involves a very sober gigi parading around the room half naked in front of everybody. I wish I had her confidence sometimes.

- My favorite memory is saturday happy hour at nigi nigi with all my chums present and happy and very very drunk.

- Despite popular opinion, I enjoy tracy just as much as I do adi.

- Gigi has officially moved in. She just got the sweetest deal and although i'm a teeny bit envious, I am oh so happy for her. I cant wait to see her in action. I plan to shadow her on my next dayoff and eat much and much for free.

- Pats is coming! wooo hooo!!! i'm so excited to have family around you have no idea. And he's bringing all the heroes eps that I've missed.

- I moved out of gigi's place today. Figured she needs to experience the island by herself for a while. So i'm going back to my crappy little room which i sorta kinda miss. I'm just scared that the heat will kill me since I've been sleeping with airconditioning for the past ten days. Bahala na. At least I can keep the volume of the tv on audible levels again.

- I've been restless at work again. I dont like the fact that I seem to have become the kind of person who's never happy with what they have. This is so anti-ets. But I think a big part of this journey to self discovery that I'm on is learning to take chances and do whats best for me despite who gets affected. I mean, ika nga ni tracy, madami na akong pinalungkot sa pagpunta ko dito eh ngayon pa ba ako prepreno (or something to that effect.)

- Okay, there was just this litlle korean man who passed by with the funniest looking hat. hay... koreans. God bless them talaga.

- I love monica. I realized last night that she is my bowl of soup in this island.

- For the first time since I got here, I missed manila today. I miss being able to ride in cars and just watch people hurry off like rats to be somewhere else. Kanina I imagined I was in a cab in shaw boulevard (bakit diba? hindi ko rin alam) waiting for the red light to turn green. I miss tall buildings and malls and supermarkets. I miss the mrt and kfc and movies.

- Wise people do stupid things. That's just how it is. Hows that na?

- I miss my mommie soooo much. I want to go home to hug her miski one second lang and then I can come back here again na.

No judgments, just an honest question: can happiness outrun karma?

His wife left with their two boys, the youngest being only 3 months old. She made him choose and he chose. Happiness won. It won over family.

Now he walks the beach with the woman he's been passionately in love with for the past 6 months. And you can tell from the smile on his face that he lives with his choice with no regret, no guilt, no remorse.

Sabi ni deesj...

... that she was looking at our pictures from new years and it hit her that I dont live in Manila anymore and that it's so weird because people are already getting used to not having me around.

I've been suspecting as much. I've been expecting it really. And although i never really thought that life would actually stand still while waiting for my return, hearing it breaks my heart a little. okay a lot.

oh well.

Life with adi....

... is just better in ways i will not even try to attempt to explain. But you can ask anyone who knows him and they will understand exactly what i mean.

Everything just looks better, and feels better, and tastes better, and smells better, and sounds better.

And when he's gone, the world is just... duller.

world - adi = dull

ets world = dull

We meet, we part, sometimes we remember remember remember...

-- the holmes brothers

Exactly at a time when we think we've forgotten already too. It's amazing how our subconscious makes us remember - waking us up at four in the morning fighting back tears, struggling for air.

So now that we're standing exactly where we are, do we keep the promise we made long ago or do we just fuck it all to hell?

Today is a good day

April 1, 2007

Today, I got two wonderful things;

1. Friends - thanks to erm and papi who were fabulous company

2. Cable

What more can a girl want?

Like the deserts miss the rain

There are so many things you take for granted when you know its readily available anytime you need or want them.

Like...

movie theaters
krispy kreme
cibo
cars
airconditioning
malls
fastfood
pets
friends
chums
family

Not too shabby for ettie. Not too shabby at all.

Yesterday

I woke up feeling wonderful, despite the 9pm-4am brownout that kept me company during the night. My arms, my stomach and my shoulders were still sore from the free yoga session I took the night before (my comeback session after 4 months of being inactive,) but my spirits were soaring. I decided to take advantage of my morning since I did not have work until after lunch. So I took a walk. I took a VERY long walk. From one end of the beach to the other and back again. I was quite burnt after and VERY dehydrated since I forgot to bring water. But it was fantastic.

I ended the day with an all natural facial from the best spa in the Island for free because its my job to know all their treatments.

Today

I spent the morning basking in the sun and taking a dip in the beach after. My first dip since I got here.

I ended it with a body scrub and a massage from the best spa in the Island for free because its my job to know all their treatments.


Recap

I get free yoga sessions.
I spend my mornings in the beach.
I end my days with facials and massages from the best spa in the Island for free because its my job to know all their treatments.

I could get used to this.

My goal here

I have to be honest, it's been really rough. I've always been surrounded by people all my life (being popular and all) and then suddenly, I find myself alone. Eating out alone, having coffee alone, walking around alone. But I am getting used to it. Now, I only fight back tears half the time I used to.

Anyway, there are two things I've come to accept since I got here.

1. There can only be one group that I can call CHUMS. I've always known this but it has never hit home until now. I never came here with the intention of replacing them. I knew that would be impossible. But I thought that I could build friendships that would at least have half the fun. Now, I am just willing to settle for company sometimes.

2. I am slowly beginning to be okay with that. I always thought that this experience would be more of a journey to self-discovery more than it would be a party. So my goal now is not to stop eating out alone or having coffe alone and walking around alone. What I want now is to be able to do all of these things and be able to do them happily.

There is a hawaiian or polynesian saying that goes "YOU ARE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR." So in the next __ months, I will get to know myself, appreciate myself, and celebrate myself.

I say "I LOVE MYSELF" all the time. Now, I actually have to mean it.

*****

I just want to say that I LOVE MY CHUMS!!! and i miss all of you very much. Please visit me na.

The Gratitude Attitude

I spent my 32nd birthday alone. I've never done that before. But, because of the following people, I didn't feel alone at all;

Thank you to the following (in chronological order)

My family (mom, papa, guada, pats, bob and michael) for being the first people, as usual, to greet me.

Jenni and claude, who greeted me even before the 8th. Although claude actually thought my birthday was the 7th. hee.

Riya who was the first to text me at 12 midnight.

Gwen who was a very close second.

Drach who was the first to call and sing me the birthday song.

Gigi who called only in the morning only because her she slept through her alarm.

An unidentified number who said "happy birthday beautiful"

Tim who texted first to greet me happy womens day and then happy birthday after i hinted ever so subtly "happy birthday maite is an appropriate greeting for me too today you know."

Therese who, I'm assuming, is responsible for telling the folks at CISV to greet me. And the folks at CISV who greeted me sunod sunod kaya obvious.

Vince for remembering to greet me on time even when i greeted him a day after his.

Dodo for blogging about me before he even found out about my birthday.

Tracy, Adi and Mamu who had to be reminded (by me) to greet me.

Joel who, despite the reminder, didnt.

Deesj for talking to me during dinner through text.

Ruth for talking to me during coffee through text.

Niv who called to tell me that it was Robert Jaworski's and Carlito Lim's birthday. Hahahahahah. I swear we do this every year.

Monster who greeted me belatedly (im pretty sure i invented this word) today.

And everybody else who did, you know who you are (yuck, showbiz), thanks thanks thanks.

It really brought home closer to this island.

Boracay

After all the planning, all the praying, all the fighting with mom, I am finally here.

Except I'm really not here.

I haven't been out on the beach for a swim.
I haven't had a coffee shake at jonas.
No sunsets at Fridays.
No pesto omelette at real coffee.
No friends.
No chums.
No pats and guada.

Just the island - stripped off most of the things i love her for.

Let's just see where this goes.

No promises. No commitments.

Pulling a Houdini

It's an escape too.

In fact, maybe more than it is anything else, it's an escape --- from places, from people, from memories, from situations I want to get out of.

Because I want a fresh start. Because I need to feel better about myself. Because I deserve so much more than this.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

When tony bennett and sting get together to sing one of the saddest songs i've ever heard, even one that has funny words like boulevard and gigolette, you just really want to cry.

sometimes, life is just sad.


I walk along the street of sorrow -
The boulevard of broken dreams -
Where Gigolo and Gigolette -
Can take a kiss without regret -
and so forget their broken dreams.

You laugh today and cry tomorrow -
When you behold your shattered schemes -
And Gigolo and Gigolette wake up to find
their eyes are wet with tears that tell of
broken dreams

Here is where you'll always find me -
Always walking up and down -
But I left my soul behind me
in an old cathedral town

The joy that you find here, you borrow -
You cannot keep it long it seems -
But Gigolo and Gigolette -
Still sing a song and dance along -
The boulevard of broken dreams.

C.I.D.

Two days after it officially took effect, I finally turned in my resignation letter two hours ago.

Dear Sir,

This is to tender my resignation effective February 28, 2007.

I have been with CID for over 6 years now and I can sincerely say that this company has been more than just a place of business for me. In my favorite movie ‘The Godfather’, a line was drawn between what is business and what is personal and how the two can never, or perhaps should never, be confused with the other. Fortunately for me, I found a company that welcomes this confusion. In fact, it thrives on it.

Honestly, this resignation is especially difficult because I feel like I’m saying goodbye to a home that has nurtured me, to a family that has inspired me, and to two fathers who have never failed to guide me. But I do know that, precisely because we are how we are, I can never really ever resign from CID.

So while it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye, I leave with wonderful memories that I hope will keep me sane as I walk towards the unfamiliar where I am expecting to find myself lost every so often. But because of my skills, my talents and my determination – all of which have been honed through many nerve wracking, nail biting, deadline beating, hair pulling projects in CID that resulted in sleepless nights, migraine and anxiety attacks, eyebags, wrinkles, and, occasionally, self doubt – I am confident that I will always find my way again.

And for this, I am and will always be grateful to CID.

With much love,
Maite Alvarez


PS, please don’t deduct na my suspension from my final pay. I will be sooooo poor in boracay.

Thanks.

Elliot

These past couple of days, I've been discovering a lot of wonderful things on the web. I've been watching this hilarious brit sitcom called 'the IT crowd.' I found and shared here the most brilliant animation film that made me both laugh and cry all in 3 minutes. and I finally found elliot.

He has an album na. Thank God his talent is not going to waste. And, I'm not an expert on music, but his single is pretty good. I wanted to imbed it here but it wont. So here's a picture nalang. Handsome na rin.

what are you willing to give for that one dream?

this one is my hero.

And this is the best - THE BEST - animation shortie i've ever seen ever!!!

Why I need more Vinces and Dodos in my life

Because there is a blatant lack of decent men in this world.

i love ya boys THIS BIG!!!!

I believe it was the Prophet Ross who said it best when she said.....

I can't cover up my feelings

In the name of love

Or play it safe for a while

That was easy

And if living for myself

Is what I'm guilty of

Go on and sentence me

I'll still be free

It's my turn

To see what I can see

I hope you'll understand

This time's just for me

Because it's my turn

With no apologies

I've given up the truth

To those I've tried to please

But now it's my turn

If I don't have all the answers

At least I know

I'll take my share of chances

Ain't no use of holding on

When nothing stays the same

so I'll let it rain

'Cause the rain ain't gonna hurt me

And I'll let you go

'Though I know it won't be easy

It's my turn

With no more room for lies

For years I've seen my life

Through someone else's eyes

And now it's my turn

To try and find my way

And if I should get lostAt least

I'll own todayIt's my turn

Yes, it's my turn

And there ain't no use in holding on

When nothing stays the same

So I'll let it rain

'Cause the rain ain't gonna hurt me

And I'll let you go

'Though I know it won't be easy

It's my turn

To see what I can see

I hope you'll understand

This time's just for me

Because it's my turn

To turn and say goodbye

I sure would like to know

That you're still on my side

Because it's my turnIt's my turn

It's my turnTo start from number one

Trying to undo

Some damage that's been done

But now it's my turn

To reach and touch the sky

No one's gonna say

At least I didn't try

It's my turn

Yes, it's my turn

It's my turn

It's my turn

Hail to the great Diana!

Props na rin to her best disciple, the esteemed Coney Reyes Mumar.

Hello heartbreak, my old friend

No matter how broken you think you already are, you can still break.

And no matter how long you've been expecting it, even if you've even had time to have a 'Welcome Pain' banner printed, you will still be in catonic shock when it comes.

And all you can really hope for is that you finally learn from this. Because God knows you seem to have forgotten everything life has taught you before.

Next time, please know better.

Why are you so enamored with impossible relationships? Why does it appeal to you so much? What's wrong with getting into relationships that have, at least, a 50/50 chance of surviving? Is that not challenging enough for you? Must it always be this complicated? Should it always be this hard?

Eh, eto na nga....

O ayan, papano ka na naman ngayon?

thanks (or maybe not) to chockwit for this picture. Hay....

riding the meme bandwagon

Stolen from Dodo's. A meme I can't resist.

What is your favorite word? Fuck

What is your least favorite word? Cherries

What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]? Laughter

What turns you off? Stupidity

What sound do you love? Something sizzling

What sound do you hate? dogs barking

What is your favorite curse word? Fuck!

What profession, other than yours, would you like to attempt? Kusinera

What profession would you not like to participate in? Engineering

If Heaven exists, what would you like God to say, when you arrive at the pearly gates? "In fairness ha, okay na rin ang life mo."

And another one, this one is looooooong overdue. I was tagged months back by Irene but I haven't had the time.

1. The last movie you saw in a theatre, and current-release movie you still want to see.

Apocalypto - I did not like this one at all. at all.

I want to see Music and Lyrics. Its Hugh and Drew. Two of my favorite people in the world.

2. The last movie you rented/purchased for home viewing.

Borrowed Trainspotting. Will see it sometime soon.

3. A movie that made you laugh out loud.

American Haunting. Okay, the movie wasnt funny but the english subtitles that came with the pirated DVD was plenty funny. I think I peed my pants.

4. A movie that made you cry.

Steel Magnolias - Every single time.

5. A movie that was a darling of the critics, but you didn't think lived up to the hype.

Dreamgirls

6. A movie that you thought was better than the critics.

The Godfather 3 - because i will take a bullet for Andy Garcia

7. Favorite animated movie.

Beauty and the Beast

8. Favorite Disney Villain.

Gaston

9. Favorite movie musical.

Moulin Rouge and Beauty and the Beast

10. Favorite movies of all-time (up to 5).

The Godfather (I, II, III)

The Lord of the Rings trilogy

Love Actually

Little Miss Sunshine (new addition)

American Beauty

Sing with me now - HOW DO WE SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE THE MASA?

After the dreadful wowowee stampede tragedy, I wondered if that many people would have shown up at the Ultra and if they would have fought as hard to get in if it were jobs being given away instead of money.

I asked two friends who answered ‘OF COURSE’ with heartfelt conviction.

I wasn’t so confident. To be quite blunt about it, I was convinced they would have just stayed home and watched the other noontime show. I really hoped I was wrong though.

Over lunch today, my boss told us about a conversation he had with an ABS CBN employee. He said that a few months back, the network decided to have an alternative activity for the hundreds of hopefuls who had to be turned away everyday because of the studio’s limited space. So one day, they gathered the ‘excess’- a number that came close to a hundred – and invited them to lunch and a free seminar on livelihood programs that can help them make money.

All stayed for the free lunch.

Three stayed for the free seminar.

I was really hoping I was wrong.

How did we end up here? a world where Willie Revillame is messiah to thousands who flock to him begging for a buck. Under his inept choreography, they dance and they sing and they raise their arms in the air desperate to catch his merciful eye. The studio is transformed into a church and Wowowee becomes a religion.

And what is religion without prayer.

And what is prayer without drama.

And so we see grown men weep, able people plead – howling about the tuition they can’t pay, the medicines they can’t afford, and the jobs they can’t find. They tell us, with certainty, that this is their last hope. That, if this fails, they might as well just shrivel up and die.

WOWOWEE!!!

I never knew that one TV show could have so much power. That the lives of thousands of people literally depend on one show.

And so I wonder, how can we solve anything if we’re too busy singing boom tarat tarat? If we keep this up, this country will end up exactly like how the song ends.

BOOM.

BOOM.

BOOM.

Finally, my new year begins!

Owing to the fact that my hips are big enough to have its own orbit (yes, bigger than mother earths), my 2006 just ended last night.

It ended with pork, chicken, beef, lamb, sausages and more pork in the company of three of my favorite people in the whole world.

It ended with me, alone in bed, having the most honest conversation with myself about what i really want, and what i really feel, and what i think i deserve.

It ended with a personal resolution to stop all things that will lead to bad. Let me say that again now - I WILL STOP ALL THINGS THAT WILL LEAD TO BAD.

And it stops today. stops. finish. tapos na.

And with the help of a truckload of apples, a healthy serving of self esteem, and a side portion of the bigger picture, I start my cleansing today.

******************************

2007 FORECASTS

I felt it the second 2007 came in, this year is gonna be interesting. Not good mind you, but not bad either. Just that, interesting. Pretty much like the shrimps with dessicated coconut I had on my last night in Boracay.

Anyway, here is my fearless forecast for this year;

1. Some things will change - I'm not gonna pretend that I have a plan for this year. I've been throwing words like resignation, boracay and investing around way too much it leaves a trail of doubt all over the place. The doubt is misplaced though, or so I say confidently. I swear on someone's grave that I will totally do it. There's just the trouble of me unable to give myself a good kick in the butt to get started. But happiness, not money or fame or calling, is my motivation. And what better motivation is there.

2. Some things wont - CISV QC is hosting a summer camp for 14s this July and I've been asked to staff. I am guessing I will do it. I imagine that I will probably be needing a break already from the new life I am about to start by then so why the hell not. And besides, I have never said no to anyone before so why start now.

3. I will hopefully be closer to my ideal weight. And I will probably look better than I ever have before.

4. I might fall in love.

5. I will get my heart broken if i do.

6. I will have more money. Because the universe loves me and that's what i want this year.

*****

It's gonna be an interesting year. Im tempted to push the fast forward button and see how it all ends. Except I dont live in an Adam Sandler movie.

Overheard at Boracay

During dinner last night at Jammers with Gigi, i overheard one american telling two others about what happened during the recent typhoon that devastated the island. This particular bit almost made me cry.

JOHN DOE:

These people are amazing. The day after the storm, they were all out on the shore - cleaning, fixing, repairing. They were using every thing they could to put things back together - spit, gum, strings. And I was thinking that if i were back in the west, the first thing people will do is to file their insurance or sue somebody or just basically sit on their asses and wait for help to come. The guys here are really something else.


Kinaya ko ba yon?

WHAT'S THE WORD?

There's only one thing i want next year. And what I want, I want a truckload of.

MONEY.
PERA.
DINERO.
MOOLAH.
DATUNG.

Alam kong mababaw pero madali nang maghanep ng depth kung afford mo ang stuff.

O ayan ah. Malinaw ang usapan.

hahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahah

the widow in yellow

I admit it. I'm easily start struck. Gary V. comes to our table for a quick 'hey ordinary mortal, im acknowledging your presence' chitchat and I cannot put one coherent thought together. I see piolo from a distance and I turn to mush. I can't even begin to imagine what an encounter with ate shawie will do to me. Yup, I'm a mega fan - always will be by virtue of the fact that I always have been.

However, there is another group of personalities that never fail to leave me in awe - politicians. I know, i know - I can't be serious right? well, I am. I know it's hard to believe that in a world like ours and at a time like now where every public official and their spouses are judged corrupt without due process, I still hold them in high esteem. I guess its because deeply buried under my jaded, suspicious mind is the naive little girl who grew up believing that politicians are primarily public servants. Servants of the people who have sacrificed private life and corporate pay to make sure that we live in a system that works for the majority. I like that I have a government that looks out for me and makes sure I'm treated fairly.

Given my job and who i work for, I've had my fair close encounters with politicians. And given who I am, I've had my fair share of stupid conversations with them. I take full responsibility for the stupid, they can take credit for the conversations.

Anyway, one figure that never fails to make me stare is former President Corazon Aquino. She doesn't walk in with a lot of fanfare, no fireworks, no cheerleaders. And, since shes always in yellow and the biggest smile, she brings the sunshine with her anywhere she goes. And calm - she brings that with her too. An aura of serenity that will not break in battle.

I wonder about her sometimes. About how she went through what she did and come out smiling in yellow.

She was married to a man she had to share with a country. Was she ever tempted to make him choose? Her or his politics… Their children or the millions who saw him as their messiah…

And when he eventually made his choice, did she feel defeated a little?

And when she lost him so publicly, was she given a chance to mourn privately? Not to mourn for the hero but for the man she shared her bed with. Not to cry for the martyr but for the man who made her laugh.

And now, 23 years after she was widowed, is she still in mourning? When she watches the clips of her husband lying dead on the tarmac, does she still feel the hurt of losing him all over again?

She was left to fend for herself, for her family and, eventually, for her country under the watchful eye of a public that was as eager to see her fail as they were to see her succeed. She was forced into a foreign arena by the promise and the memory of her dead husband where she had to single-handedly 'restore a democracy' and 'rebuild a nation'. Big tasks for a "housewife" but she did her best and she pulled it off.... somewhat.

And My God she must be a good mother. I have long since decided that Great mothers do not necessarily produce the best children. Great mothers are great mothers because they can still bring themselves to accept, defend and love the worst in their children.


I really think she's a good woman. I really really wish her all the happiness in the world.

CORY!
CORY!
CORY!

WHEN GOOD SHELLS GO BAD...

WARNING: Blog content is highly disgusting and mildly exaggerated to allow for the dramatics--- i am, after all, me. Reader's discretion is advised. Also, reader's imagination is encouraged to take the route taken by "caught on tape" shows for maximum enjoyment.

Voice over:
When maite alvarez went to bed at 2:30 in the morning on saturday, October the 14th, she thought she had plenty of sleep ahead of her. The week prior was toxic but the week that was coming was downright venomous and a restful, quiet sunday was her only break in between.

Little did she know that that particular sunday morning was not going to be as easy as the Commodores said sundays ought to be.

Maite Alvarez:
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning because my stomach was grumbling and there was this intense pain that I had never felt before. It felt like the devil himself was poking my insides with his pitchfork and all i could do was lie on my bed and cringe in sorrow.

Voice over:
But that was not all she could do. Gathering every morsel of strength she had, maite stood up and dragged herself to the bathroom where she unleashed what was to be only the first of 86 trips to the toilet.

Maite Alvarez:
The first one wasnt so bad. It was a relief really. You have to understand that I woke up feeling like there was a rave party in my stomach and everyone i know and their mother showed up and showed up drunk. The trip to the banyo turned the rave into a more relaxed cocktail party. I felt better after that.

Voice over:
But barely an hour after she felt better, maite started to feel worse.

Maite Alvarez:
I was in the middle of my business for the second time when i suddenly felt light headed. It was as if by expelling my toxins, I was expelling my very soul. I knew I needed help and I knew I had to move fast to get it. So I WASHED UP and stood up to go to my bedroom. As I was drying up, I felt like all the wind was being sucked out of me. Everything became hazy and I knew that I was going to faint already. So I panicked. I rushed out of my room and walked towards the dining area where i hoped to find somebody who could help me. Luckily, my father was on his way to the garden when he saw me struggling to walk from my room. I called out faintly 'papa' before i finally gave in to the darkness and collapsed.

Voice over:
Maite was in and out of consciousness for a little less than a minute, but it felt like two centuries to her.

Maite Alvarez:
It was like I was torn between going towards the voice of my father which was increasingly becoming more and more distant and going towards the light which was becoming more and more comforting. My father was panicking. He was asking one question after the other, hoping to get a clue on how to help me.

He was asking "Hija, what did you do last night?" "What's happening to you?" "What's wrong?"

To answer his questions, I blurted out the three words i thought would help the most;

SEAFOODS, RED, and TIDE.

Voice over:
The night before, maite and friend gigi dined on mussels and oysters. Ordinarily, the only result one expects from a meal of seashells is the wonderful memory of a fanstastic meal. But taken on an empty stomach, a meal of these same shelled sources of joy can mean DISASTER!

To make the situation worse, in her haste to get some help, maite forgot to do something that caused her much humiliation - she was not able to pull up her panties when she walked out of her room.

So there she was, laying unconscious on the floor, with her ass as bare as God intended it to be..... and her father worried sick beside her.

Maite Alvarez:
When I recovered my wits, i started to weigh which would have been worse - dying because of over eating or dying with my bum exposed.

Voice over:
And there it is, another story where what are seen as defenseless and harmless shellfish threaten a precious human life. A story we urge you to remember the next time you feast on this traitorous creatures that can cost you more than your dinner bill if and when good shells go bad.

Because carmen misses me

I really dont have time for this but i got this DESPERATE message from carmen last week to update my blog so she can still feel part of my life. Well here I am with lots of things to say and very little sense.

* I have to say that I have successfully stayed indifferent to my work despite the pressure. I've been functioning on a default worker mode. Like Adam Sandler on Click. Not one of my 2 gazillion balls have dropped. Yet. Either I'm that good or I'm that lucky. But I do have a feeling I will get fired in November. Why? because a few months ago, I was made a book publisher. I am NOT a book publisher.

* I seem to be surrounded by women who bathe in Be Delicious perfume. And I really have no one to blame but myself. My mother who has it because I gave her one. Jenni has it because we bought one together. and Ruth (my officemate) bought it because she smelled it from me. I used to think it smelled good but now I just hate it. Hate is a strong word but I am using it here. In fact, I'll use it again. I HATE THE SMELL OF BE DELICIOUS PERFUME. It's too much. Too sweet. Too invasive. It attacks my olfactory nerves, work its way up to my brain, and kills all good memories I have cherished with these women. It makes me want to run away from mama, jump out of Jenni's car and resign. Worst.

* I saw episode 2 of season 3 of greys anatomy last night. I WANT PATRICK DEMPSEY. I want to marry him and have his babies. He has that cocky, flirty vibe that turns to sensitive and intense in a second and I am buying it and stocking up.

* Ana is leaving for Madrid this saturday. Pressure.

* We were probably one of the last areas to get electricity back. It was funny how we were starting to get used to the darkness. By the light of a single candle, I could manuever my way around my cluttered room, brush my teeth, wash my face, put on my moisturizer and pick out my clothes for the next day. The other night, I entered my sisters room (where we temporarily relocated to sleep) when I got a text, my brother suddenly awoke, shielded his eyes from the bright that was coming from my phone, and yelled "ano ba? ang liwanag. patayin mo yan," as if I had just walked in with the sun. Funny.

* Rice vs. no rice. The battle that plays out every 1130 when I'm about to decide what to have for lunch. No rice has won more times but when rice wins, it wins big. I think I'm narrower. But I have been known to be delusional so I will not count on what I see.

* I want to get a dog. A big one. Like carolina. Should I? Should I?

Bye.

fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars...

It's one of my favorite songs in the whole wide world. I've been listening to it everday in the past three weeks. To Sinatra's version at home and to Bennett's here in the office. The emotion that each version evokes (at least in me) is worlds different from each other.

Frank wants me to tap my feet, put my biggest smile on, walk around florence holding his hand on a fresh sunday morning. Tony wants me to watch the new york skyline against a starry night from the balcony of my 5th avenue penthouse with him embracing me from behind.

Franks is a celebration - that woooo-hooooo-im-so-in-love-i-could-have-danced-all-night feeling.

Tonys is a realization - that oh-my-god.-this-is-it!-this-is-all-i-need-for-the-rest-of-my-days! kind.

I love them both. sometimes equally. sometimes one a teeny weeny bitsy more than the other.

let's sing it.

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you

an appeal to all my male friends who plan to be husbands someday...

Please please please, even in the direst of circumstances, do not murder your wives!

It is just not right.

TOO MANY BALLS IN THE AIR

Just too damn many.

I feel like a clown juggling 6 balls at once and, from all around, people are throwing more balls into the mix to challenge me or just because they think I dont mind.

This is not the first time i'm doing this. Or actually it is. Except this first time started in 2003 and it just kept on going.

Sabi ni carmen, i should consider letting the balls drop because people are too used to none of the balls falling and they don't even notice me furiously juggling anymore.

May point sya don. And really 80% of me is walking towards that path, but the other 20 (a loud minority) is afraid that the balls will all fall on my head and knock me down.

Hi. I'm maite. And I do really stupid things at such inopportune times.

like last night.

I was on my way to Makati med where my abuela was confined when I started thinking "Hmmm.... what if some hot guy picks me up tonight and wants to take me right here in the middle of the kalye. What will i tell him?"

So i started thinking about what I would tell him cos god i wouldnt want it to lead to a relationship (whatever). So i stopped, took out my palm, and wrote down my monologue. I just changed one line in there when i typed it kanina. Anyway,


WHAT I WOULD SAY TO MY ONE NIGHT STAND

Don’t tell me your name
I do not need to know it
I will call you baby
I will call you god
That will do

And if by chance a name escapes my lips,
Pretend it is yours.

Don’t tell me what pays your bills
or how you like your eggs.
Don’t speak of the party that kept you up
or the monsters that wake you in the middle of the night.

None of it matters.
Not now.

And you don’t have to know my name.

You can call out 14 different names
And I will be every single one of them.

Picture me your virgin.
Picture me your whore.
Picture me the widow of your best friend.
Picture me your 7th-grade fantasy.

I am all of them tonight.

Let this be about everything that is nothing.

Rob touch of purpose
Deprive kisses of promise
Take away the meaning of anything that resembles love

It won’t be made here tonight

Save it for the girl you haven’t met
for the wife who waits
for the life you dream

Or pretend it is here
But know that it will soon die on top of me,
Spent and satisfied.

*****

I shouldn't really be thinking of stupid things at these times noh.

Ako'y isang bakya...

Opo. Bakya po ako. Pinakilig at pinaiyak ng mga pelikula ni ate shawie at claudine baretto, pumadyak ang paa ng sayawan ni Aga at Gary V. sa Bagets at hotshots, at tumili ng parang baliw nung may gustong patayin sa sindak si barbara. Mahilig akong manood ng pelikulang pilipinong pangmasa. Isang bagay na hindi ko kailanman ikinahiya.

Well what about this DREAMBOY movie?!?!?! Ano ba naman star - ang sama eh. nakakasuka. nakakadiri. nakakahiya.

Come on peeps... lets do better.

At saka, no offense to her fans ha, but bea is not really bida material.

Inventions nga eto... because where is drew barrymore?

ISA PA...



AT ETO ANG KICKER!

It must be nice to be jet right now

and i'm honestly so inggit ha.

so, in the universe inside my head where everything is possible, i will clone me into 4 billion etties, gather around the edsa shrine to rally and chant....

PENGENG CRUSH!
PENGENG CRUSH!
PENGENG CRUSH!
PENGENG CRUSH!
PENGENT CRUSH!

at sana yung realistic. tama na ako sa patrick dempsey at colin firth.

Hee hee hee

I was the most angry naman in my last blog eh.

Get off your high horses so i can box you both in the head

Okay, this is gonna be quick because i have to run to a meeting but i also have to vent because im very upset.

1. To my friend's vegetarian friend who said i shouldnt call myself a vegetarian because i started eating oysters, clams, and shrimps again because i didnt want to deprive myself of all that is good in this world -

You arrogant moron and a half, you can take your vegetarian label and stick it up your constipated ass because I DONT WANT IT. If you're doing this because you genuinely care for animals, then i suggest you get down on your knees and kiss my feet because I'm helping you save them regardless of my reasons. And if you can't see past my reasons for doing it cos maybe you think its stupid that im doing it because of a promise i made to God or because I break out in hives when I eat meat or because I just simply prefer vegetables to meat, then you just shut your ugly mouth before i send a decapitated horse's head to your bed tonight.

2. To my client who spent two hours of my time back-biting his brother in law because the brother in law is rich and he's not -


You pretentious angry old man, you stop pretending that money means nothing to you when you've based your entire hatred for your brother in law on the fact that he has it and you don't. You're no different from the gold diggers who cant see past the dollar sign except that you dont cling to the rich, you run away from them even if they turn out to be nice guys in the end. You told me that you hate it that he's proud of being rich, well thats not any different from you being proud of being poor. You think i think of you now as a humble, principled man who doesn't let money get in the way of his rationality? No sir, you're just a bitter, proud man who's making his wife miserable because he refuses to get along with her brother.

okay, i have to go to my meeting now.

My Boracay

It’s been 5 days since our plane landed from Boracay and I still can’t get the island off of my head.

Simply put, I love that place.

I love that the beach is big enough to allow everyone a spot to build sandcastles. I love that the island is small enough to give a sense of familiarity and comfort to strangers and natives alike. I love that the food bought off a street stand is just as good, and unfortunately as fattening, as the gourmet plates that are served in its first class restaurants. I love that vendors never tire of offering their goods despite the countless times they have been turned down, and I especially love that some of them sell items that have no business being sold in a beach like pearls and gold. I love that everyone will insist to be your personal bellhop and carry your bag even if it’s just a tote. I love that all dogs are communal pets and everyone shares the responsibility of taking care of them and scratching their ears. I love that I can run barefoot in the sand and jump around in the water like an unchaperoned 7 year old. I love that the fine, white sand and the clear, clean waters still surprises me every single time I step out in the beach. I love that I can always count on the sunset to take my breath away and for the gazillion stars to make me want to hold somebody’s hand. But most of all, I love that I can just turn to anyone and smile knowing fully well that I will get an even bigger smile in return.

Despite of all the whys I love Boracay though, there were two reasons that I especially loved my visit this time; the company and the food.

THREE’S COMPANY

I was with my brother Joey and my sister Guada. He spent a night there 5 years ago and she has never been. So, with 3 Boracay vacations in my belt, I took the island-expert role and told them to follow my lead. They were the most excited tourists I’ve ever gone with on a vacation. He was the ‘Go. Go. Let’s do everything’ kind and she would hesitate and bite her fingers first before she grudgingly said yes.

And while they both loved the island too, they expressed it in different ways.

On our last afternoon there, Guada and I were frying on the sand when Joey emerged from the water, ran to where we were, plopped down beside us, raised his arms up in the air and with the biggest smile shouted “THIS IS THE BEST VACATION EVERRRR!!!!” He would take off on his own at 6 in the morning and 12 midnight while we girls slept because he would rather enjoy the island outdoors. He would come back with amazing photos that made us almost wish we didn’t sleep instead. Almost.

Guada, on the other hand, was not as vocal. She would watch everything in silence and just smile every once in a while as though she just suddenly discovered the island’s biggest secret. Being our resident OC, she would stop us from petting possibly rabid dogs, touching possible bacteria infected surfaces, and leaving a mess in the bathroom after we bathe. She would impatiently ask me “what are we eating for dinner?” two seconds after we have breakfast. And wow did she love the shopping.

I can’t wait to go on another vacation with these two.

THE FLAVORS OF THE ISLAND

Before I left for Boracay, I made a list of all the places that I should bring my siblings to eat. I wrote down two places in bold letters. One of them delivered, one disappointed.

‘Real Coffee’ is a small quaint café hidden inside one of Boracay’s alleys. The place, which is mostly made of bamboos, has a cozy feel that makes you just want to sit down in a corner and read a book while drinking a cup of their freshly-brewed coffee.

Even before Josie, one of their friendly staff, handed me their menu, I already knew what I wanted, omelet with cheese, tomato, onion and pesto. It was the first dish I had the first time I ate there two years ago and I never ordered anything else since. The tomatoes are always juicy, the onions still slightly crunchy, the eggs still a little bit runny, the cheese perfectly melted and the pesto, oh my God the pesto, always a perfect mix of basil and garlic. In the 8 times I’ve had their omelet, they never ever failed to satisfy.

While I never have dessert at breakfast, I had no choice but to do so at ‘Real Coffee.’ Their brownies and oatmeal raisin cookies are soooo good. But it was their calamansi muffin that really got me. It just had the right mix of the sweet and the tart that went perfectly with the mildly bitter coffee.

The second place on my list was the Indian restaurant ‘True Foods’. I love Indian food and every time I’m in Boracay, I make sure that I eat there. The ambience at ‘True Foods’ is very relaxed with just about the right touch of sophistication. Chairs were thrown out for more comfortable huge throw pillows that are perfect for the very low wooden tables. The view of the beach from the second floor is nothing short of spectacular though a jacket is recommended to keep the chill away. Everything was perfect. Except, unfortunately, the food. I don’t know if there has been a change of management or a change of kitchen crew or a change of recipe but that was definitely not how I remember their food. I don’t know if they were just having a bad day but I was really disappointed that night. The Shrimp Biryani had all the heat in the world and none of the flavor. The Tandoori chicken was dryer than my skin. And, I’m sorry, but Indian cuisine does not have room for thousand island dressing as dip. Where the hell was my chutney?

But the island found a way to make up for that mess of a meal. It always finds a way to make up for anything actually, be it a burnt house (long story) or a broken heart (longer story.)

All in all though, it was one of the best vacations I’ve ever had.

Good company, good food, good times!!!

I dont care if I get it

Well maybe i do a little but at this point, im okay if i dont. Because i really love the video. And not just because I dont look so fat but because it was so fun to make.

And since this is my first video, syempre may credits.

Tracy, for shooting, editing and calling me stupid 2million times last night because i was being emotionally gross.

Deesj, for telling me about it and encouraging me to apply. And for claire's cam and directional mic.

Mamu, for telling me to focus on something in my essay.

Adi, for holding the camera like a pro when tracy was nanginginig na from lack of a tripod.

Gigi, for turning the light bulb on on cue and shooting the stills.

Jenni, for answering my texts at 2 in the morning about possible concepts.

Drach, for his inputs about the show since he's the only one who has actually seen it.

Monster, for that killer 'fart' line and for finding it funny.

Margie, for laughing til she cried.

Jerking Shrimps

You know that wonderful jerked chicken gastronomic orgasm that gigi makes, she will start selling na the marinade. And she said it works with shrimps too!!!!

Wooo Hoooo!!!!

My geads this is all i can think about right now.

***

To all those who will be buying gigi's wonderful marinade, may i suggest to try any of many equally explosive desserts to cap your meal from Compulsive Eaters.


Shameless plugging eto.

Conversations with cabbies

I spend a lot of time in cabs. So obviously, I spend a lot of time with cabbies. I have come to appreciate the...hmmmm...loneliness cab drivers must face everyday. To be constantly surrounded by people and yet be invisible. To be always in the middle of conversations and yet be ignored. To be ordered, forgotten, paid, and left behind all in the time it takes to get from benavidez to valero.

So i try to be a polite passenger whenever i can.

I listen when talked to, answer when necessary, and even smile occasionally.

They do love to talk. They talk about anything and everything. From politics, to religion, to showbiz chismis, to, of course, the rising cost of fuel.

But when they start talking about themselves, i channel my inner Oprah and start to have a conversation.

Last night was one of my favorites.

***

"Alam ko ang United Paranaque. Bago palang ako mag abroad alam ko na yan," he casually says.

"San ka nagpunta?" I asked. If you've been abroad, I want to know where because I'm an inggitera.

"Every year ako nag a-abroad. One year sa Kuwait. One year dito. Driver ako dun."

"Talaga?"

"OO. Maliit nga lang ang sweldo ko eh. 3,600 lang."

"Dollars?" I asked.

"OO," he answered.

I, of course, couldn't stop myself from saying "Ang yabang mo naman. Hindi nga?"

"OO nga. Pero mababa yon kumpara sa ibang amerikano na kapereho ko sa trabaho."

"Talaga?", although I'm sure there was a big SHYAR!!! flashing on my forehead noh. "Fun ba sa Kuwait?"

"Okay naman. Open city na yon. Maraming pinay na babae na blah blah blah" He must have noticed that mind had already drifted off because he cleared his voice before he continued to say "Pumunta ako sa Kuwait pagkatapos kong makulong."

So, attentive na naman si ets diba?

"Nakulong ka?" I asked as i hold on tighter to my bag with my left hand and ready my right to open the door in case i needed to jump out of there.

"OO. Sundalo ako nuon. Napasama ako sa coup nung kay Gringo," he shares.

Fear turns into judgment "Bakit ka naman kasi sumama dun?"

He gets on the defensive "Hindi ko talaga alam maam na ganun pala. Sundalo ako sa probinsya (I forget where), sarhento na ako. Tinawagan ako nung superior ko ng madaling araw, sabi nya na i-ready ko raw ang platoon ko. Alam mo kasi sa military, obey first before you ask. So wala akong tanong-tanong. Na-excite nga ako dahil babyahe kaming maynila. So pagpunta namin ng maynila, pinapunta kami sa Dusit, sa Hotel Nikko. Tapos yon, coup na pala yon. Na-aresto kami, nakulong ako ng anim na buwan."

"Pinagsisihan mo ba yon?"

"Hindi mo na rin masabi eh. Ganon talaga sa trabaho namin eh."

***

Another story that I haven't forgotten happened several years ago. I've unfortunately forgotten who I was with but we were a lot because I remember feeling cramp at the back.

We were driving by 6750 when he points to the building and says in perfect english "That's where my daughter works. She's an executive for Caltex."

And thats when I started to take notice of him. He was probably in his early 50s. You had to look closely, but you could tell that his features were very mestizohin. Even in his worn-out shirt, he could have easily passed as one of my dad's friends. And it was obvious from the way he spoke that sentence, that he was educated.

As it turns out, he was a rich kid. He went to La Salle for college and graduated with a degree in business management. He married his girlfriend and they had 2 children. He quit his job shortly after he got it because he was too spoiled and too arrogant to take orders from someone else. He took his parents' money and he gambled it away. Took his wife's money and gambled it away.

His wife left him and brought their children with her. She did okay without him. Found a job and was able to raise their kids well and send them to college.

He was hit by depression and wasn't able to recover as quickly. But one day, he realized that he had to do something. By this time he had already lost his friends too and had no one to run to. No company would touch him. So he applied as a cab driver.

At the time we met him, he had just been driving for a little over a year. "I'm not used to hard labor," he said. He holds up his hand to show us his calluses that still seem fresh "I got these from driving everyday of the week without a day off for the past year. I want to change my life," he added.

***

And there, of course, is my all time favorite cabbie. He's name is Guy Goma. He is my ultimate example of a man who will pretend to know how to swim when he's thrown in the river even if he's drowning just because people are watching on the shore.

***

A poorer version of deesj's blog

These are the original instructions.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!

These are my improvised ones since i dont have an ipod.

1. Get any songhits/song book lying around (i wanted the big thick one but cant find it so im using instead the magic sing playlist folder)
2. Flip through the pages while reading the question then stop flipping after.
3. Randomly point to any part of the page with your finger (i recommend the index one, but feel free to use your favorite)
4. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
NO CHEATING!

How are you feeling today?
- Bye bye love

Will you get far in life?
- Fever

How do your friends see you?
- Tonight I celebrate my love

Will you get married?
- Come together

What is your life's theme song?
- Keep on running

What is the story of your life?
- Do you want to know a secret?

What was high school like?
- Vision of love

How can you get ahead in life?
- Don't worry, be happy

What is tomorrow going to be like?
- Lead me lord

What is the best thing about your friends?
- You're only lonely

What is in store for the next weekend?
- Oh donna

What song best describes you?
- Gaano kadalas ang minsan

How is your life going?
- Ready to take a chance again

What song will play at your funeral?
- By the light of the silver moon

How does the world see you?
- All for love

Will you have a happy life?
- Thriller

What do your friends really think of you?
- Green green grass of home

What song describes the person you're
attracted to?
- Don't be cruel

What message would you like to tell the next generation?
- Nasaan ang liwanag

Do you have a deep dark secret?
- Separate ways, worlds apart

Fun na rin yon for me

Taken from chockwit's blog- WHAT BE THE STORY OF...

your name
Before I was Maite, I was called tetchie (lord!). When my parents realized that my hips will never allow me to live up to the promise set by ms. Agbayani ‘pinaka magandang hayop sa balat ng lupa,’ it was immediately changed to the cuter, more adorable “maite”
The name has since evolved into several spin-offs; Ets, Etlers, Ettie, and the less popular Ettiloo.

your parents
Beauty and the Beast. Okay fine, my dad was probably hot in his day. He was the local bully and she was the no-nonsense smarty pants of the biggest mestiza-producing family in Isabela. He built a wall around her before she even reached puberty and no one, NO ONE, was allowed within 42 million miles of it.
So since she thought he was all the man the world had to offer, she took him.


your last birthday
Quiet and simple.

your first love
Oh god. Gross. But fine. Niv. He was my best friend in sophomore year in CSA. Could talk to him for hours and hours and he made me laugh everyday of the week and twice on Sundays for 6 years. Well, for, at least 5 of the 6 years.


your room
I just recently had my very own room (pathetic.) It used to be my mom’s office so the wall paper and the blinds are very mommy. But I love it. It has a bay window that overlooks the garden. But since I’m a wimpy schwimpy, the blinds are closed most of the time.
A big-ass german flag hangs on the wall (a gift from Tom from camp) for no good reason.

last Christmas
I don’t remember. But I think I just spent it with the family at home. And maybe I went out after with friends. But I really don’t remember.


your last valentines
Oh…. I don’t remember.

your current clothes
I’m in all white despite the weather. So I wont be surprised if someone mistakes me for a fridge and puts vegetables under my pants.


the 1st time you saw your crush
Patrick Dempsey. Grey’s Anatomy.


you and your best friend
I saw her pass her suicidal phase and she saw me pass my pathetic cry-me-a-river stage.
She buys everything I sell plus one because that’s how she is.
We used to be hermits. I hung out at her house everyday for two years and that was all the outside world I needed. One time, we were just watching tv at her flat when the doorbell rang, we literally froze and thought “But I’m here and you’re here so who the hell could that be?!?”
It was manang josie from downstairs who needed something or other.


the last place you went to
Uhhh…. The banyo. Okay naman sya, malinis na rin compared to the banyo sa SM malls.

the last time you cried
Babaw tears? – caught the ending of spanglish and cried at the mother-daughter dialogue. “Will you do anything to make sure that you don’t end up anything like me?” (I paraphrase) God! Kinaya ba yon ni ets?

your greatest achievement so far
Wala ata eh.


last movie you watched
Beauty and the Beast special edition last night on DVD. I love gaston.